Taking time for us to reconnect

Today I decided I needed some time with my son. Time that wasn't just a hug and kiss in passing or a quick connection during dinner or bath time. I wanted that connection we use to have when we'd spend all day together. So today since I was off from work, I kept my son home from daycare, kept my laptop off and only used my phone on a need to need basis.

These pass months I've noticed that we're not spending as much time "together". Yes we're together in the evening and on the weekends but I'm usually distracted with a blog project or exhausted from work. These days story time is barely reading one book, dinner time is split between emails and getting ready for tomorrow. It feels like our connecting moments are on a time schedule. I know I'm not giving my son full attention and it hurts.

For the most part he's a great kid who plays independently. But even he has his limits. One morning as I finished up some posts for my other blog, my son started throwing things at me. Well really he threw things at my laptop. When his shoe landed on the keyboard I knew it was my cue to take a break and give him some attention.

So today I checkout from everything and everyone to make it all about him and me. What did we do? Mostly nothing but that's the point. We watched some cartoons, played with bloks and took a walk in the neighborhood. While those things dont seem exciting, I can tell my son was excited. Any chance he got he sat in my lap and look deep into my eyes. The need to be close and connected was clear. He missed me and I confess I missed him.

As the day went on, I felt the re-bonding of the connection between us. I'm not happy that demands outside of our family circle is making me into a less attentive mother. I don't ever want us to disconnect that way again. My son needs his mother to "be" there for him as much as possible. Today, I'm glad I took time off so I can be there...for him and for us.

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Come Join the Biracial Family Twitter Party

Join Us for Our Biracial Family Twitter Party

Place: Online via Twitter

Date: Friday, March 26, 2010

Time: 9p-10p EST

Hosts: @euphorialuv , @Quiskaeya and @Jamericanspice

Topic: Teaching Biracial Children About their Identity. We hope all multiracial families (Black, Asian, Latin, White, Other) will join us as we discuss political, social and parenting issues related to being a biracial or parenting a biracial.

Purpose: To provide parents & biracials an opportunity to talk about biracial identity to help build a stronger multiracial/multicultural community. Some questions open for discussion are:

1. As a parent of a biracial how do you help your child self-identify? Ex: books, events, playgroups etc
2. If your child chose one identity over another would it offend you?
3. Are your children equally accepted by both sides of the family?
4. Do you feel the one drop rule is still widely thought and accepted with regards to biracials?
5. Do you consider how society will identify your child? Does this effect how you teach your biracial child to self-identity?
   

RSVP: http://twtvite.com/6a0u27

Even if you do not have a twitter account you can still join the conversation. The discussion will stream through tweetchat (http://tweetchat.com). You can set up an account with them and jump right into the action.

To participate be sure to follow @euphorialuv , @Quiskaeya and @Jamericanspice. Also be sure to tweet with the hashtag #BiracialFamily between 9:00 and 10:00 p.m. EDT.

Please feel free to spread the word to other multiracial/multicultural groups. Hope that you will join in for a time of learning and sharing.

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Racial Remembrance During Holiday Traditions

The time before the holiday is so hectic trying to get everything done so things can be perfect for family and friends. As I listen to friends share how they added elements from their cultural to make their holiday special...I wondered about my mixed race and multi cultured family.

During the 2008 holiday season my son was very young. I didn't celebrate Thanksgiving and beyond the obligatory photos with Santa, I really didn't do anything for Xmas either. In 2009 I started thinking how to add aspects from my son's three cultures so we can celebrate more as a family.

Last year, I still didn't follow the American custom for Thanksgiving. Instead I wanted to start a tradition of awareness about the Native American Indian and Alaska Native during this time. After some research, I found out about the exhibition IndiVisible: African-Native American Lives in the Americas . I decided to take my son to The National Museum of the American Indian here in NYC to see their current exhibit. While he's young and cant fully understand, it's about starting our own tradition for the holidays. Besides he had fun =)

While changing traditions for Thanksgiving was simple enough, how to tackle Xmas since the whole family wants to be involved and celebrate with Daniel. To their credit my family knows that I try to do my own cultural things with my son. They may not fully understand why, but they'll indulge me as long as they can spend time with Daniel. LOL

For Xmas 2009, we didn't do a lot of the American Xmas things. We had no tree, no xmas decorations, no exchange of presents. But we did have the family gathering, eating, drinking and most important oral story telling. My family shared stories of life back in Guyana, the funny things family members did as children and finally their memories of my son life. I was really touched as each person shared their memory of my son from birth till now.

My son has forever changed the racial makeup of our family tree. My sons children will have African Caribbean, African American and Korean ancestors to remember. Yes, my son's biracial link to his fathers culture makes him unique within my somewhat monoracial family, but his story will always be added to the family tradition of remembrance.

Passing On Ancestral Energy

Todays blog is a bit different since it deal more with me and not something cute and adorable Daniel has done. I don't think some of my readers will understand where I'm coming from but I know one or two will get me and the point of this blog.

Writing about this topic came to me while thinking over current convos my mother and I had. Being the over bearing grandma, my mom worries about Daniel being in daycare. I keep explaining that he'll adjust fine. If anything she should worry about the daycare. Since my son is no shrinking wallflower I know he socializes on and off during the day. I once again explain this to my mom...who thinks he's sitting in a corner crying and lonely. Yet again I point out my son strong personality reminding her of all the times he's stood up for himself in the playground.

These convos always lead to her saying she doesn't know who he takes after. She always comments that I was such a quiet child. I always chuckle to myself because my mom refuses to see our family traits in Daniel or for that matter in me. My mom forgets how she told stories of being the aggressive child that was always fighting or how she was always the one brave enough to try some new adventure. How is it that she can't see that she passed those genes on...

In my case it's probably cause my fathers genes are more dominant. My dad is a cool and collected type of man. Thus, I tend to have a cool sort of anger. I'm not the stand there and get loud type. Not that I can't or haven't, but I prefer to vent my anger in other ways and with results. But my mother's fiery angry genes are within me...as well as all the warrior type genes from my ancestors before her.

Naturally this mean that I have now passed those genes on to Daniel. I clearly see where he takes after me. But I clearly see where Daniel also takes after his father. I'm not too happy with some of these facts.

All this transferring of ancestral energy is kinda important because I believe that we carry that energy with us thru life. All the sorrow and joys of our family is passed on somehow to the next generation. Adding to this is the fact that as a black women I also carry the energy of my people...and all that it means.

I don't know if Daniel's dad carried the energy of his family with him. There is alot I don't know about Daniel dads life and history. Since Daniel's dad was adopted he carried around his own confused and angry energy on a different level them mine.

So now my son is filled with energy from his parents, from his ancestors and from his own actions as he goes thru life. But so far this energy shows it self as being more on the aggressive side. At first I thought it was just a child wanting his way but I'm realizing that this child that gets angry quickly and then hits or scratches is my child. This is who he is...

I'm left with the dilemma of what to do. He's still very young so some forms of discipline are not appropriate while other don't really send the msg I want to send. See alot of people deal with a child actions at that moment. I'm trying to reach my son so I can affect him for the rest of his life. It is not his fault he was born with aggressive energy...as it wasn't my fault I was born with the same...BUT I want to start teaching him that he can choose to work on it and become his own person.

It's taken me years and lots of work to get to the point where I am now. At the time no one had the answers so they could not help me. So, I was a very unhappy and angry child, teenager and young women. I lost years being wrapped up in the energy passed on to me until I stumbled on the answers that lead me to a different way of being.

As he grows I can only hope that all I've learned and will share will help Daniel to live a better life. Yes, a life better then his parents but also a life that helps soothe and comfort his ancestors on both sides so when it's his time to start his own family he can pass on positive ancestral energy.