Today I decided I needed some time with my son. Time that wasn't just a hug and kiss in passing or a quick connection during dinner or bath time. I wanted that connection we use to have when we'd spend all day together. So today since I was off from work, I kept my son home from daycare, kept my laptop off and only used my phone on a need to need basis.
These pass months I've noticed that we're not spending as much time "together". Yes we're together in the evening and on the weekends but I'm usually distracted with a blog project or exhausted from work. These days story time is barely reading one book, dinner time is split between emails and getting ready for tomorrow. It feels like our connecting moments are on a time schedule. I know I'm not giving my son full attention and it hurts.
For the most part he's a great kid who plays independently. But even he has his limits. One morning as I finished up some posts for my other blog, my son started throwing things at me. Well really he threw things at my laptop. When his shoe landed on the keyboard I knew it was my cue to take a break and give him some attention.
So today I checkout from everything and everyone to make it all about him and me. What did we do? Mostly nothing but that's the point. We watched some cartoons, played with bloks and took a walk in the neighborhood. While those things dont seem exciting, I can tell my son was excited. Any chance he got he sat in my lap and look deep into my eyes. The need to be close and connected was clear. He missed me and I confess I missed him.
As the day went on, I felt the re-bonding of the connection between us. I'm not happy that demands outside of our family circle is making me into a less attentive mother. I don't ever want us to disconnect that way again. My son needs his mother to "be" there for him as much as possible. Today, I'm glad I took time off so I can be there...for him and for us.