Writing about this topic came to me while thinking over current convos my mother and I had. Being the over bearing grandma, my mom worries about Daniel being in daycare. I keep explaining that he'll adjust fine. If anything she should worry about the daycare. Since my son is no shrinking wallflower I know he socializes on and off during the day. I once again explain this to my mom...who thinks he's sitting in a corner crying and lonely. Yet again I point out my son strong personality reminding her of all the times he's stood up for himself in the playground.
These convos always lead to her saying she doesn't know who he takes after. She always comments that I was such a quiet child. I always chuckle to myself because my mom refuses to see our family traits in Daniel or for that matter in me. My mom forgets how she told stories of being the aggressive child that was always fighting or how she was always the one brave enough to try some new adventure. How is it that she can't see that she passed those genes on...
In my case it's probably cause my fathers genes are more dominant. My dad is a cool and collected type of man. Thus, I tend to have a cool sort of anger. I'm not the stand there and get loud type. Not that I can't or haven't, but I prefer to vent my anger in other ways and with results. But my mother's fiery angry genes are within me...as well as all the warrior type genes from my ancestors before her.
Naturally this mean that I have now passed those genes on to Daniel. I clearly see where he takes after me. But I clearly see where Daniel also takes after his father. I'm not too happy with some of these facts.
All this transferring of ancestral energy is kinda important because I believe that we carry that energy with us thru life. All the sorrow and joys of our family is passed on somehow to the next generation. Adding to this is the fact that as a black women I also carry the energy of my people...and all that it means.
I don't know if Daniel's dad carried the energy of his family with him. There is alot I don't know about Daniel dads life and history. Since Daniel's dad was adopted he carried around his own confused and angry energy on a different level them mine.
So now my son is filled with energy from his parents, from his ancestors and from his own actions as he goes thru life. But so far this energy shows it self as being more on the aggressive side. At first I thought it was just a child wanting his way but I'm realizing that this child that gets angry quickly and then hits or scratches is my child. This is who he is...
I'm left with the dilemma of what to do. He's still very young so some forms of discipline are not appropriate while other don't really send the msg I want to send. See alot of people deal with a child actions at that moment. I'm trying to reach my son so I can affect him for the rest of his life. It is not his fault he was born with aggressive energy...as it wasn't my fault I was born with the same...BUT I want to start teaching him that he can choose to work on it and become his own person.
It's taken me years and lots of work to get to the point where I am now. At the time no one had the answers so they could not help me. So, I was a very unhappy and angry child, teenager and young women. I lost years being wrapped up in the energy passed on to me until I stumbled on the answers that lead me to a different way of being.
As he grows I can only hope that all I've learned and will share will help Daniel to live a better life. Yes, a life better then his parents but also a life that helps soothe and comfort his ancestors on both sides so when it's his time to start his own family he can pass on positive ancestral energy.