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Saturday, August 29, 2009

Update: Noir Mommies Magazine Cover Contest

So after posting about the Noir Mommies Magazine Cover contest and my worries about entering my son's photos....a few comments started popping up.


For the most part the comments were supportive and encouraged me to enter the contest anyway. Even the editor sent me a msg with her thoughts.

Diedra of Noir Mommies sent you a message on Facebook...

I have a lot of friends jamaican/asian who will be featured. The little girl sitting in the washing maching under Candid CM is a Jamaican/Asian her name is Ming Li also Sydney

I started Noir Mommies from the lack of diversity in Parents/Parenting magazine there is always a white child gracing the cover. I have 2 yrs worth of magazines here..not a one brown child. I hope that Noir Mommies covers all the shades of brown/black/yellow children that do not grace the covers of other publication

Noir Mommies is to represent all the other shades that Parents/Parenting does not cover, so please send in your photo!!!

WE WELCOME EVERYONE!!!!!!!"


Which I was very happy to see after reading the comments to that post where other moms with biracial kids also expressed concern. How happy I am that Diedra of Noir Mommies wrote that note and eased our fears. Thank you Noir Mommies!
Friday, August 28, 2009

Black Enough for Noir Mommies Magazine Cover?

Have you heard about Noir Mommies yet? Well I've been hanging out over there recently and it's a cool site. There's lots helpful information and personal stories from other moms and dads that can help guide other parents through the parenting process. Plus guess what...right now Noir Mommies is having a contest to have a child on their upcoming new magazine cover.


Of course I was all ready to submit a photo of Daniel since I feel more people should know about his adorableness. LOL. But midway to pressing the send button I had a thought. Is Daniel black enough to be on a cover of a magazine focused on black parenting and family?

Huh! You know that's a real good question. On one hand...why the heck not. Since he's half black I feel he / I/ we can claim his heritage and participate in anything related to the black community...can't we?!

Still I feel some doubt. What would the editors of the magazine say? I've exchanged a few emails with one of the editors of the website and she's very excepting of me and my son. I might be able to convince her and her team but can they convince their readers? Will there be angry letter asking why an "asian" child is on the cover or being included? Will there be a debate over including a biracial child in something made to highlight and promote "black" children?

Urgh! All these questions I'm driving myself crazy. I just wish moms like me didn't need to second guess our actions. My son is just a kid like any other and i feel that is all he needs to define him. Sadly we don't live in a world of open racial definitions. Shame.

I might still enter his photo and see or just let it go since I share his photos with everyone anyway. Either way for the "black" kids or rather "black looking" kids. LOL. Make sure you submit your photos for the contest. It will be nice to see little faces promoted by the moms and dads that make them =)
Monday, August 24, 2009

I've Been Published on MomDot...Sorta

There was a recent request to submit articles on the MomDot site. Since I'm trying to be a better "community" writer I decided to submit an article titled "The "He Looks Just Like His Dad" comment" based on the hot button topic on this blog and in my life. The result? Woot! My article has been approved and is now live.




It's my first article for the MomDot site so please leave a comment and tell me what you think. At first, I worried that my article might not fit the "tone" of the site since it deals with a interracial issue. But then I figured it's more a mom issue in the sense that I wrote it based on my experience...as a mom. LOL.

Sometimes I have to remind myself that it's sharing the experience that's matters. Thats what other women...other mothers connect and relate to even if their in a same race relationship. I'm happy and proud I took a chance and submitted an article. I hope to submit more to their site....and a few others...in the future
Saturday, August 22, 2009

Mommy Does Know Best

My family always has something to say about what I allow my son to do and not to do. Always a criticism that I won't let him do anything. I'm always hovering, I'm too strict, on and on. I wonder what they think the role of a mom is after all?

Today I noticed my son playing with his bottle of Aveeno Baby Wash and Shampoo. Normally I take it right away cause I don't want him associating certain things as play items. But today I was a bit tired and since it's a click to open cap I decided to let him play with it. Big mistake!

A few moments later he's oddly quiet so I look over to where he is...and see him licking his hand. I'm like what is he licking? I gave him nothing. Then I notice the top is off and the bottle is laying on its side seeping the gel out onto the table. Ugh!

As I walk over to him to make sure he hasn't drank any of the gel I'm so mad at myself! Why don't I just listen to myself. I know what's best for my son so I should just stand my damn ground. I'm so sick and tired of hearing unasked for comments from people who always think they know better then the mother of the child. I always ask...are you going to go to the hospital with him when something go wrong? No? Then leave me alone. Of course my family just continues annoying me until I lose it and yell at them. LOL. Then they grumble under their breaths but you know what...I stop caring months ago.

As I wash my son's mouth out with water cause he did lick some of th gel...not alot thank goodness since he didn't like the taste...I realize I'd much rather continue fighting with them then sitting in the emergency room.
Thursday, August 20, 2009

Bringing Moms from Online to Offline

Today we enjoyed another playdate with Sheila and her son. Even though Daniel isn’t a fan of the water sprinklers we decide on a trip to a kiddie water park since the days have been so hot.


After settling the kids in to their favorite sections...Daniel by the play gym and William by the sprinklers...we started chatting while wandering around the playground. During one of our convo I told her about the drama in one of the facebook groups where the parents of blasian kids insisted on saying their children are black and should be thought of as black based on their facial features. The father in petictular felt his daughter’s curly hair, full lips and "black" nose would automatically set them up for discrimination.

This of course upset me very much and I'm going to blog about why over on the Euphoria Luv blog since this is a community issue...not just a mommy issue. I was glad to have someone to vent with that I didn't need to explain the background of the asian black community to. She understood my feeling and fears as a mom trying to figure out how to prepare my biracial son for unexpected issues.


As our various convo continued I watched our sons play and felt so blessed that I started the Mothers of Blasian and Asian Children (MOBAC) group. I've been struggling with the thought of closing it due to what I felt was the lack of activity within the group. While I saw mothers connecting on a personal level outside of the group, I felt the group should been more active with discussion flying back and forth. After all I saw this happening with other moms in other mommy groups.

But what I realized as I talked to Sheila is that there's a real need for my group. Our situation is so unique that it's truly helpful to know another mom in the community who can really be a source of comfort. In general, as mothers we all share a common bond no matter our racial background. But I have to confess that when dealing with some issues it's nice to have another mother of a blasian/multiracial child give a listening ear. I hope I can continue my vision to make my group MOBAC a connection place for moms like me.

Trying to Survive the Boo Boo Stages

Now I’m no stranger to my son getting boo boos. Seems like there's always some new scratch, red patch (he’s light skinned after all) or tumble happening to him no matter how I try and keep him in a safe zone. With him walking...well trying to run now...the chances for some serious boo boos have increased 100%

For example...tonight he's doing the usual walking back and forth from room to room when...bang! and the wailing starts. Mind you I'm two feet away from him and saw when his feet tripped him and he feel on his face hard.

Any parent can tell you time seems to freeze as you watch you child get hurt. Then follows that gut sickening feeling as you try to figure out how to comfort your child, figure out where's the pain and how to make it go away.

When you add the sight of blood...ugh...it's one of the worst moments. Seems my son fell on his mouth and his teeth cut into his lip. As I rushed him over to the sink to wash off the blood and cool his lip I wonder how I will survive these boo boo stages. While I understand that all children get serious boo boo while growing I don't understand how parents cope with it. Maybe it's one of those things that grow on you. The more experience you gain with dealing with boo boo the better you are with seeing them happen...or something.

I try to comfort myself as I see my sons lip begin to swell. Ugh, How will I explain this to people already looking at me weird over my son's skintone?! I soon let go of this thought as my son demands to be nursed...his comfort tactic. Oddly enough it comforts me also...till the next boo boo
Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Enjoying Playtime at Toys "R" Us

So after we did all the serious research and learning at the Disney NetPal Launch...it was time to play. Seriously how can we visit Toys "R" Us, the place considered The World’s Greatest Toy Store and not have playtime?! Not possible if you know me.


After the event we ran off to enjoy a complimentary ride on the famous Ferris Wheel. Did you know it’s 60-foot, complete with flashing chevron neon lights?! Here’s some more cool info

"The ride features 14 individually themed cars, each inspired by a favorite children’s toy or character. A portion of the proceeds from the Ferris Wheel admission price goes directly to the Toys"R"Us Children’s Fund, which supports the work of children’s charities across the country.”

After enjoying our Ferris Wheel Ride we went hung out with Lisa (NewYorkChica) and her daughter at the two-story, 4,000-square-foot Barbie® Dollhouse. Lisa’s little daughter is a fan of Barbie and enjoyed seeing all the different types of dolls.


Our next big stop was…of course…the Jurassic Park section, which features a five-ton, 20-foot-high and 34-foot-long animatronic Jurassic Park T-Rex dinosaur. I’m telling you even thought you know it’s not a real dinosaur it’s still impressive to see…and hear. We of course had to take a photo in front of it. Now while Daniel wasn’t scared of the T-Rex, I made sure to keep my distance…just in case =)

As we made our way outside we peeked in here and there at places we didn’t have the time to stop and visit. There’s so much to see and do so if you ever need a place indoors to explore…then make sure to stop there.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Winning a Born to Blog Tee

So today during my son's morning nap, I was surfing around on The Diary of a Poshpreneur when I noticed one of the post offered a sorta giveaway. Well of course I left a witty comments about wanting the "Born to Blog" t-shirt. what did I say? Only the truth! LOL

Guess what... Clarissa emailed me back to tell me I'm getting it. Woot! I can see me strutting my stuff around the 'hood in my tee. Can't wait to receive it. It was the highlight to a very stressful day. I deserve a little bit of fun here and there...right?
Monday, August 17, 2009

Recovering from the Disconnect

So I'm on facebook trying to catch up with what's happening in my community and finding that I'm so disconnected from everything. I don't know when it happened but I'm no longer tapped in to what's happening with most of my friends.


I'm now hearing about new blasian babies born recently, babies I knew are closer to being toddlers, while others moms are planning to expand their families. I should have been in the mix of things welcoming each new addition to the blasian family, sharing stories of life with a toddler or giving support for plans of a new baby. But no! I've been distracted with increasing my status as a mom blogger with stats to show and all that.

But when did that happen? When did I let go of my link to the asian black community to grab hold of the "mommy bloggers" community? What is my focus? What happened to all the community projects I had planned? Where are the interviews of asian and black couples I wanted to start highlighting? Where are my posts from my blasian playdates? I just seem to have gotten distracted and let some things fall thru the crack

I feel so bad! Connecting with people is where I find the most satisfaction. My joy comes from sharing stories, experinces and laughter. Sharing was the whole motivating force behind me blogging in the first place. I must get back to that!

The Grandparent Connection

About a week ago my stepfather ended up in the hospital after a heart attack. He had to have emergency surgery and all that. My family of course went into what I thought of as the "death fear" mode. It was interesting to see and hear people's reaction to the "fact" that we're all impermanent. But I won't get into that here....that's a whole other blog

Well my step dad survived the heart attack and surgery. I confess that I did worry that he might died without seeing Daniel face to face in real life. So far he's only seen him in photos.

But then I wondered why that was an issue since Daniel's fathers side never saw daniel....matter of fact I don't think they even know he exists. For my part my family on both side know and welcome Daniel. He's black west indian heritage is there for him to learn. Yet he's not just black is he? He's still missing the link to his korean side.

This of course was not the plan. I tried for months to get the formal intro to Pete's family way before we planned on having kids. Never happened. So many excuses. A the time I figured it would happen and it was no big deal. Then the two pink lines changed that thought. Now it became such an issue that I swore I would contact his mom during my pregnancy since his dad had already passed away. But then I felt a bit odd just showing up out of no where with my bump claiming it was her son's.

So I decided to wait till my son was born to claim kinship. But after the birth I was so busy settling into being "mommy" that I couldn't deal with the stress of meeting her. Now a year later faced with losing one side of the grandparent network I wonder if its time to finally make that visit before it's to late. I still don't know...
Thursday, August 13, 2009

Is Being a Techie Mom Bad?

This morning Daniel was busy making his usual morning inspection of the apt. During one of his rounds he sneaked into the bedroom where my sister was sleeping. Usually he’d come back out after a few secs of trying to wake her up. But after a few minutes of not hearing the pitter-patter of little feet back and forth I went to check on him.


Seems he discovered my sisters sidekick and decided to try and send some txt msgs…to who? I have no idea. None of his baby friends know how to use a sidekick much less send a txt msg. But there he was pressing buttons and checking for msgs.

As I stood there this thought struck me! Is it bad that my son is growing up techie like his mom? They say children imitate whatever we do. As a parent my actions will show my son what is accepted cultural and social norms. But what happens when we bring technology into the picture as a social norm?


For example...Daniel already knows what a keyboard and computer is. He also knows how to type…or at least the action. Give him a keyboard and he’ll start typing. Really. Now how his little brain process what that action means I don’t know. I do know that he wants to do what his mommy does and clicky on those funny letters is one things his mommy does…a lot.

Odd thing is I never neglect my son. I always take breaks to give him lots of hugs and kisses during my computer time. I also try to be as active as I can with him making sure he gets lots of outside playground time.

Still clearly he’s learned that what mommy plays with he should learn to play with also. Hmm. But is that a good lesson to teach? I dunno until later.

But the other side to this issue is what does this say about me as a mother? I confess that I know more about the latest social media happenings then I do about the latest toy recall. I can’t tell the minute different between the 100’s of strollers, I can’t tell you what’s on sale at Babies R Us cause I’m looking out for a sale at Canon and HP/Compaq. Lets be honest...mommy needs a new camera and laptop!

While I try to keep abreast of all the things mothers “should” know I’m really slacking. How awful is that?! When did mother hood become about what you know versus what you feel and do anyway?!
Wednesday, August 12, 2009

KaBoom & KoolAid Make Time to Play

Everyone understands how important playtime is for children. To help raise awareness of the importance of play for kids, KaBOOM! and & KoolAid, are rallying communities across the country to host Play Days. Today Beth Feldman (RoleMommy) invited Daniel and I to the Kool-Aid & KaBOOM! event, where we learned how thousands of communities can host free, fun-for-the-whole-family events that celebrate play from September 19th – 27th.


KaBOOM! Play Days are an opportunity for communities to come together. By combining national reach with local impact, these events encourage each community to get creative and customize its Play Day to fit its own unique needs. To help communities in their planning, there is a online training session. You can also received a Play Day kit filled with games, activity ideas and gear to help make their Play Day great To learn more visit ~ http://kaboom.org/playday



While waiting for our turn with the photographer, I learned all these interesting Kaboom facts, met the other moms and of course enjoying some Kool-aid...can you believe they had grape? Black folks love grape Kool-Aid (inside joke!)...


Now how odd it is that I remember the 80's and 90's Kool-Aid advertisements. It was a treat to introduce my son to such a icon. I hope the Kool-Aid brand will continue to look the same for when my son has kids. How funny it will be for him to show this photo to them. Ha ha ha.


Soon it was time for our photographer session with Jade Albert. Man it was alot of hard work because Daniel didn't want to smile and kept wiggling around. Eventually after some tickling we caught the shot! During all this back and forth, my son Daniel did his part to support the program.





Daniel really showed his support for playtime. He played with the Kool-Aid man, the others kids at the event, and when he tired everyone else out...then he played by himself. LOL. Believe it or not all that playing is actually a good thing.

Some interesting Facts on Play
  • The area outside of the home that parents feel comfortable letting their children play unsupervised has shrunk by 90% since the 1970s. (Last Child in the Woods, Richard Louv)
  • Children in low-income households are estimated to spend 50% more time watching television than their more affluent peers. (B. M. Miller, S. O’Connor, S. W. Sirignano, and P. Joshi, 1996)
  • 90% of teachers and 86% of parents believed that physically active children are better able to learn and are better behaved in the classroom. (Robert Wood Johnson Foundation, 2003)
  • Two recent studies indicate that children with ADD and ADHA showed fewer symptoms after playing outside in “green” environments. (Taylor, Kuo, & Sullivan, 2001 and Kuo & Taylor, 2004)
  • Unstructured play leads to healthy brain development, by allowing children the opportunity to learn how to work in groups, to share, to negotiate, to resolve conflicts and to learn self-advocacy skills. Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine, 2005)
I hope more people join in this effort to host Play Days during September 19th – 27th. If anyone within the NYC area does host Play Days...make sure to invite us!
Sunday, August 9, 2009

I'm His Mommy, Not His Nanny!

Hello, out there!, I'm finally getting around to posting (thanks to Nikki for inviting me) and am sorry it took me so long. I used to blog quite often before I had my son, but now that he's a toddler and asserting his independence, I'm allowed the odd moment to myself.

I am the half Korean/half black mother of a 2 year old boy. My son's father is Scottish and Assyrian. My son is a delectable mix of us both and his heritages show on his beautiful face.


After weeks of complaining, I finally sucked it up and bought a "She's My Mommy, Not My Nanny" t-shirt from Swirl Syndicate for William. I live in a predominantly melanin-deficient area of NYC where most of the non-white/namely black-and-brown faces you see belong to either home caretakers or nannies. Nevermind that grew up here- that I have lived in the same place for 30+ years of my life. This is all irrelevant because people just can't imagine that I could possibly live here, or that my son, who incidentally looks just like me, is my son.

I've had more than a few incidences that got my blood boiling. One of my favorites (and the most recent) happened about a month ago. I was in the playground with my son and was supervising him as he climbed on a structure. There were many kids climbing too. This woman comes over with her son and starts saying to me, "Oh, I know his parents" as she gestures to a child who, of course is not my son. I just say, "Oh...okay...." and go about my business. Then she says, "Are you with him?" - meaning the little boy. I tell her that no, I am with him, gesturing toward William. I assume that she'll "get" that William is my son, being that he looks like me and all. She asks me if he has a brother and I tell her he doesn't, thinking that's the end of the conversation.


A few days later, we're in the same playground. This time my husband, who is white, is with me. I sit down on the benches (William had broken my toe...!) and William and my husband play together about 2 yards away from me. The same women ambles by with her son and starts talking to my husband. It went something like this (some paraphrasing, but this is the jist):

Woman: Oh, I saw him the other day (meaning William). Does he have a brother?
Husband: No, he doesn't.
Woman: Oh- there's a little boy who looks just like him. I was talking to his babysitter the other day...
Husband: Maybe you mean his grandmother...? (He'd heard the story from me already and knew where this was going but was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt)
Woman: (insistent) No, no...his babysitter...

...and me, sitting about 2 yards away on the bench. So not only am I the babysitter, but I'm the faceless babysitter.

Some people don't get my outrage about this. They don't understand how annoying it is when people think that your child, the one that you birthed with your own body, is not your own. It's hurtful, angering and frustrating.

If you're not the mother of a biracial/multiracial child/non-white child, then try to open your mind and your eyes a bit before you comment.
Sunday, August 2, 2009

Celebrating National Friendship Week 2009

What is a friend? A friend can be different things to different people. For me a friend is someone who shares a common goal or vision with you. When 1800Flowers.com contacted me about spreading the word about National Friendship Week, which this year is Aug 2nd - Aug 9th, and offered to send a friend flowers in celebration...I had the righ person in mind. I wanted to send yellow roses, the traditional flowers which symbolizes joy, happiness and appropriately, deep friendship...to my friend Renee.


{ Pending photo from Renee, she promised to send one}


You probably wondering who the heck is this Renee? Well, Renee is as close to an online best friend as I can get. She's the owner of the Blasian forum , main master mind behind The Sweet Rice Chronicles, the blogger of Sardonic Sistah Says. She just also happens to be another black women married to an asian man...not that it matters since I knew her before him. LOL

Oddly, I've never seen Renee in real life but somehow it doesn't matter. Before I got married, during my marriage and divorce and then throughout my pregnancy, Renee has been just an email away. She's seen me thru many stages of personal and creative growth. She has been the victim of my ranting emails about all sorts of complaints, new ideas and projects, and views on black/mixed race issues. She's also been the victim of my "need to know" habit. I've asked her tons of personal intimate questions about her life, family and anything else I'm curious about. Through it all she's been supportive, open and understanding. After putting up with me all these years I'd say she's earned those flowers. LOL

Do know knows someone who has been a great friend to you? It can be either at the right moment or for many years. If you do and want to send a perfect gift to show your friend you care then 1800Flowers.com has a great selection of products to choose from, PLUS use the promotional code FRIENDSHIP for 15% off through August 15 on items like these..

{Big thank you to 1800Flowers.com and MWW Group for their generous offer.}

Why a "box" to check doesn't matter

Recently, a friend of mine asked me what I wanted my children to consider themselves as in race. I told her in my home I have no box to check for race...you are who you are. This conversation got me thinking that as they got older they will need to check a box whether for employment or for medical reasons.


I want my children to grow up knowing that they are in fact a person and not defined by "box" to check for race. Yes, they are half West Indian and half Korean, BUT that is only their heritage. They are BLACK when it comes to the color of their skin. When people look at them, they will see black children...yes they look mixed, but everyone will know that they are BLACK. I want them to love their black skin, the texture of their hair, their beautiful full lips and noses...everything that makes them unique and beautiful.

What I do not want is for them to feel shunned by the Korean community because they do not have the fair skin, flat faces, and pin straight hair. I do not want them feeling as though they are beneath anyone.

My children are not denying me or my heritage. They are just being themselves. They are being who we, my husband and I, are raising them to be. I don't feel jilted in any way. I am, however, proud to be their mother.