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Sunday, May 24, 2009

Helping to Change Views on Asian Black Unions

A few days ago I talked a little about my ex and shared a blog post that explains why we're not together anymore.  I also shared it with my facebook community.  They left some interesting comments.

I responded by saying

Thank you ladies, it's true i don't "have" to explain but I chose to. People are misguided on info about asian black couples and families. They think all asian black unions are filled with drama and negativity because of race. But not everything is about racial conflict. Sometime it's just normal man and women stuff. By being open about my life and the situation with Daniel's dad my aim is to show things in a different positive light.

But I want to expand this thought a little bit more here. Since this is a public blog many different people have access to the info. I'd like to help them develop alternative views of Asian and Black couples and families besides what's showed in the media and online.

There will always be men and women conflicts no matter what race they're in.  Since I am a black women who date interracially all types of men... including asian...i can speak on this subject first hand.  I notice that the media like to portray black women as down and out single mothers who were used, abused and abandoned by their men.  The tone is that we're not desirable as long term mates and will end up alone.  Add to the recipe any interracial male... more so an asian male...and the outcome is beyond bleak. Asian males dating a black females is like seeing a flying pig.  Something considered freakishly rare.  

The only main stream article that address this type of union mentions it as a last ditch effort on the side of asian men who have lost their asian women to white asian dating and who can't get white women to date them...for whatever reason.  So to save themselves from leading a life of loneliness they have no choice except to date and possible marry  *gasp* a black women.

Now, I have a sick sense of humor and enjoy reading these types of articles like I enjoy reading the Star magazine.  Good fiction is hard to find after all.

See, in the world I live and date in it's quite a different story. Sure there are some black women who have relationship problems...but all races have women like this.  Sure there are some asian men who will never date or marry a black women due to community and cultural pressures...but again what race doesn't have men like this?

What's not highlighted or featured in these article and research on interracial dating are the many couples and families that do bridge the racial gaps and are happy.  I've made it my business to seek out and follow these families so I could learn the truth from the people living it...not from people speculating about it.

As for my own life as a black female who has dated, married and divorced an asian male.  I can honestly say any issues within the relationship have more to do with him not picking up his socks then with the shape of his eyes.  Sometimes men and women are just and women dealing with mars and venus issues. Asian and black couples and families are just that... regular couples and families.  Get to know my community and you'll see =)
Thursday, May 21, 2009

Baby Michelangelo - Day 141

Today we went did painting in Battery Park with another mom and her kids. Daniel can't paint yet but he enjoyed paintings anyway.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Haters, Me and My Blasian Baby

Notice the title of this blog? I'm going to talk about haters or to use the correct term people who are jealous.  Now the jealous mentality is not something I truly understand or even worry about. I mean come on... anything someone else has that your can get. 

I don't understand how you can take a look at someone else and dislike them because you feel your lacking in something.  Get off your butt and do something so you can be proud that you now also have something.  Now what does all of this have to do with me and Daniel?

Well today I have an interesting "is that your baby" story to share.  I'm thinking of giving these stories their own section. LOL.  So I drag my brother to the supermarket with me.  We did the shopping and now we're heading to the checkout.  As I'm scanning the cashiers so I can avoid the one from the last supermarket "is that your baby" incident, I start telling my brother the story.  But being a man...all of 19...he just picks one and wait for the cashier to ring up the total. Since he's has the stroller with Daniel I'm right behind him. I hear the cashier start the banter of oh what a cute baby, so adorable and finally the "is that your baby"?

I'll save you the play by play but at one point she says "oh he looks chinese' and my brother explains it's his korean/black nephew. This is his sister's son. Mind you I'm there giving her the evil eye cause I know she's seen me with Daniel before!  I'm in that supermarket ALL the time. Anyway, do you know even after my brother has clearly explained everything, homegirl still says my son is chinese and thinks it's a joke! 

So I sucked my teeth...loudly...take the stroller and go off to the side to wait for my brother to finish up his flirting convo. I'm so pissed cause I don't know why people ask questions but don't want to accept the answers.

Once back home I hop on my twitter and my face book to share my story.  Of course my mommy friends on face book started adding their experinces and a dialogue was started. During the back and forth someone said the cashier was just hatn on me. At first I didn't agree but the more I thought about it and how negative the reactions are after I say "yes he's my baby" it kinda made sense.

But I still wonder why?  If these women want their own half asian babies then they should do something about it. There are billions of asian men around. They can just grab one and make her own blasian baby. Then hopefully they can stop hatn on me for mine and let me enjoy my day!
Sunday, May 17, 2009

Reading is Fundamental

From infancy till now I have always read to Daniel. He loved hearing my voice and looking at the pictures. I enjoyed introducing him to one of my favorite habits. I love books and being a reader I'd love to develop the love of reading within my son.

At first I would read anything to him, the newspaper, the baby/parenting magazines articles, labels on baby products. LOL, Whatever was available at the time. I read somewhere that all that reading would help him develop his hearing and speech skills. Dunno know if all my reading did all the good they say but I did notice that Daniel enjoyed all that reading attention. He would follow my lips first and then later the pictures in the magazine. He would always smile at the baby pictures. I thought that was funny.

Now that he’s older he’s more active and involved during our reading sessions. Now he likes to help turn the pages, tries to touch the “characters” on the pages and even adds his own commentary on the story. I guess he feels story time should be interactive. LOL. In truth I enjoy his input. It good to know that my son wants to connect with me during that time.
Thursday, May 14, 2009

Blasian Baby Notes is PR famous...Sorta

While checking links and back links I noticed that this blog was getting some PR loving.  How cool is that considering I didn't even try for any of it.  

My "Blasian Manual For “Some” White Women" was included

I'm sure some people are wondering how can someone who isn't a big time mom blogger... much less someone who even blogs regularly... get that kinda press. could be my cute don't agree?  

In truth it all started a few months when I joined the Mommy Bloggers Club .  I didn't do anything special, just replied to some discussion, made some new blog friends and tried being an active member of that community.  From there I started getting email pitches from PR firms or directly from the company themselves to feature their product.  Some I turned down due to lack of time, interest and cause they didn't match firm wanted to send me baby girl stuff...duh, I have a boy!

For the PR firms I've made time to work with it's been great! Yeah, I get to review cool stuff, go to cool events and meet some high profile people but that's not my aim in working with PR firms or directly with major companies.  I've come to understand that unless I give a wider voice to the Asian Black / Blasian community I'm representing online... this community will remain hidden to the masses. 

There's a saying that you can't see beyond what's in front of you. For the sake of my son and the other black and asian mothers raising blasian children, I have to see beyond my community so that our voice can be hard and our images can be seen.
Saturday, May 9, 2009

How Hard is Buying a Stroller?

After doing some online research I went back to Target and bought the Cosco Umbria Stroller with Canopy based on price and the fancy description on the box. I can't understand why Target didn't have a display model for me to try out. Since the local target is just a 10 min bus ride I figured I can bring home, try it out and then decide to keep or return. The verdict?

What a disappointment that stroller turnout out to be. As I set it up I my first thought was...Daniel can't fit in this! The seating area was way to short for my son's chunky tush and legs. What will happen in a few months when he goes thru another growth spurt? He'll be standing! I dunno what child they think will fit in there! So I packed it back up and put it aside to be returned. Not happy that I have to go back stroller shopping

Today I went back to Target, returned the stroller and promptly went over to Babies R Us. I did a quick check thru to see if anything has changed or gone on sale. I took another look at the umbrella strollers but still didn't like them. My son is a solid baby and needs support not just canvas wrapped on a frame. So I finally decided to buy the Especially for Kids TrendSport Stroller I was eyeing the day before.

After a quick check over everything one last time, I sped thru check out and was on the way back home excited to test it out. Once home my testing stage started with having to put the stroller together...sorta. But again a quick and easy setup to attached wheels, stroller tray and canopy and it was ready. Snapping Daniel into the stroller worked simple enough with no immediate issues or tantrums.

So we headed off to the supermarket where we squeezed into narrow isles, made sharp turns to avoid shopping carts, used the basket to hold a variety of food goodies and finally after check out we exited thru the bars. Side note about other stroller was to big to fit and I would always have to tip the stroller back so I could wheel it under and thru. Not something enjoyable when you have a stroller full of grociews. Not anymore...this stroller was the right width to just roll through. Woot, woot!

As Daniel and I did the smooth and easy return stroll back home, we were both pleased...him with more room to wiggle around as he took in the with finding something within my budget that is lighweight and portable but still sturdy enough to survive the brooklyn streets.
Friday, May 8, 2009

The Conclusion of the Dol Janji Search

So after all the back and forth with Paula in Korea, the running around in Korean supermarkets and stores, the hours of online research plus bugging all my friends for any info about these items....I have finally decided to give up.  

While it was fun to go shopping and surf online for info, ultimately I was repeatedly coming to semi-dead ends.  No matter how hopefully a lead was,  I still couldn't find the actual items here in the USA.  How is that possible anyway?  I looked everywhere and asked everyone I could think of...still nothing.  I can not understand why the Dol Janji are not found in one of the NYC korean towns.  I mean I know those korean parents do something for their kids 1st birthday!

So in the end I came back to the same choice I started with...I could pay the $50 dollar shipping to have Paula ship what she found to me...something she kept trying to talk me out of...or I could just find some items myself and do a homemade tol ceremony, like all my asian friends suggested.  As I think about it, this seems the way to go...I can still honor Daniel's korean heritage plus save some money.  Which is a very good thing since I have so little of it these days.