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Sunday, May 24, 2009

Helping to Change Views on Asian Black Unions

A few days ago I talked a little about my ex and shared a blog post that explains why we're not together anymore.  I also shared it with my facebook community.  They left some interesting comments.

I responded by saying

Thank you ladies, it's true i don't "have" to explain but I chose to. People are misguided on info about asian black couples and families. They think all asian black unions are filled with drama and negativity because of race. But not everything is about racial conflict. Sometime it's just normal man and women stuff. By being open about my life and the situation with Daniel's dad my aim is to show things in a different positive light.

But I want to expand this thought a little bit more here. Since this is a public blog many different people have access to the info. I'd like to help them develop alternative views of Asian and Black couples and families besides what's showed in the media and online.

There will always be men and women conflicts no matter what race they're in.  Since I am a black women who date interracially all types of men... including asian...i can speak on this subject first hand.  I notice that the media like to portray black women as down and out single mothers who were used, abused and abandoned by their men.  The tone is that we're not desirable as long term mates and will end up alone.  Add to the recipe any interracial male... more so an asian male...and the outcome is beyond bleak. Asian males dating a black females is like seeing a flying pig.  Something considered freakishly rare.  

The only main stream article that address this type of union mentions it as a last ditch effort on the side of asian men who have lost their asian women to white asian dating and who can't get white women to date them...for whatever reason.  So to save themselves from leading a life of loneliness they have no choice except to date and possible marry  *gasp* a black women.

Now, I have a sick sense of humor and enjoy reading these types of articles like I enjoy reading the Star magazine.  Good fiction is hard to find after all.

See, in the world I live and date in it's quite a different story. Sure there are some black women who have relationship problems...but all races have women like this.  Sure there are some asian men who will never date or marry a black women due to community and cultural pressures...but again what race doesn't have men like this?

What's not highlighted or featured in these article and research on interracial dating are the many couples and families that do bridge the racial gaps and are happy.  I've made it my business to seek out and follow these families so I could learn the truth from the people living it...not from people speculating about it.

As for my own life as a black female who has dated, married and divorced an asian male.  I can honestly say any issues within the relationship have more to do with him not picking up his socks then with the shape of his eyes.  Sometimes men and women are just and women dealing with mars and venus issues. Asian and black couples and families are just that... regular couples and families.  Get to know my community and you'll see =)


Shynea @ Penny Pinching Diva says:
at: May 24, 2009 at 6:48 PM said...

I applaud for you writing something so personal. Even though this topic is no one's business but your own, you stepped out and explained something that I am appalled that people would even ask you something like that.

I agree that relationship issues stem from other things besides race. I just hope for nothing but the best for both you and your son, regardless of race.

Take care.

Lisa says:
at: May 24, 2009 at 6:59 PM said...

Great post. I can see why you chose to say your side of the story. Some people can be really ignorant, it's a shame.

It's no one's business but your own but it's cool that you wanted to share it with the world.

Sharon says:
at: May 26, 2009 at 9:10 PM said...

"I've made it my business to seek out and follow these families so I could learn the truth from the people living it...not from people speculating about it."


tanyetta says:
at: May 27, 2009 at 1:12 PM said...

Your son is beautiful. Keep on Keeping on :) You're doing a fantastic job!

Diana - FreeStyleMama says:
at: May 27, 2009 at 1:30 PM said...

Very interesting blog! I found you through MBC and am a new follower. I'll keep an eye out and check your other blogs too!

Stesha says:
at: May 30, 2009 at 4:01 PM said...

Great post! It's a shame in this day and age people still have these misguided race issues.

Your son is beautiful btw.

Hugs and Mocha,

Ms. Bar B: says:
at: June 2, 2009 at 3:37 AM said...

" I can honestly say any issues within the relationship have more to do with him not picking up his socks then with the shape of his eyes"


Go 'head on girl and state your business. I think it great how you use your experience to enlighten. Keep doing what you are doing!

Ness says:
at: June 2, 2009 at 10:57 PM said...

Great post! So personal and real!
Stopped by from MBC under 100 followers. Keep it up!


Jen@born2impress says:
at: June 3, 2009 at 7:26 AM said...

Love your post , i will add your blog to me faves.
Looking forward to more of your posts.
Following from the MBC.
Come visit when you have a chance:)

Rae Ann says:
at: June 3, 2009 at 9:31 AM said...

I guess I must be sheltered, but it never occurred to me that any one racial mix was 'dramatic' or 'destined for failure.' Do people really think that? Arg. I make a blanket apology for all the idiots out there.

I'm following you from the MBC Under 100 Club. I look forward to reading more!

Mom's Fortress of Solitude says:
at: June 3, 2009 at 5:13 PM said...

Stopping by from MBC to grab your button, and follow you, too. Your son is absolutely GORGEOUS!

I know it's difficult to do so, but please don't let these morons get to you. You are a beautiful person, inside and out. Some people are just too shallow see past their own idiotic opinions.

I'm truly looking forward to reading more about you. I love your honesty, and I completely admire you for taking a stand. :o)


Quiskaeya says:
at: June 5, 2009 at 10:06 PM said...

ACK! My fb comment is being put on blast! LMBO!!

Mom's Fortress of Solitude says:
at: June 9, 2009 at 12:44 PM said...

Tag . . . You're it!

You've been tagged! :o) Please come visit my blog to play with us!

Mom's Fortress of Solitude

Have fun,


yonca says:
at: June 11, 2009 at 11:55 AM said...

Great blog and your are doing a great job. I'm following you from MBC Follow Me Club.
My blog is,

Tanyetta says:
at: June 11, 2009 at 4:31 PM said...

Your son is loved that's all that matters. Haters annoy me.

Zen says:
at: August 28, 2009 at 4:15 PM said...



at: August 16, 2010 at 1:38 AM said...

I like what your saying :)
I can somewhat relate mainly because I am also a blasian (Filippino and Ghanaian).
There are alot of cultural differences in my house, but also there are similarities. The problem is interracial marriage isn't always race, but just between man and woman.

I'm always interested in the topic of blasian and I do have a guy friend who is blasian (Filippino and Trinidadian) and your son and him kinda look similar. He is beeautiful :) Blasian tend to be quite beautiful. You should google blasian and check out the picture.

Tara says:
at: March 19, 2011 at 10:24 AM said...

Thanks for your post. This is exactly why I did the reality show of my wedding. You can check out some clips on my blog that I am in the process of creating
People need to see that black women are getting married and are desired as keepers by men of other races/men in general. I hope when I appeared on TV it sent a positive message to the sistas!

MsXpat says:
at: June 21, 2011 at 3:59 PM said...

This is funny, in the sense that you are right, sometimes the challenges to a mixed race relationship is just the difference between a man and a woman, not race. You are so spot on. It was also eye opening and interesting to read about some of the myths other regarding black and asian unions.