I was on my way back from a blog event and decided to call the sitter to let her know I might be a few minutes late. The sitter in a very calm voice said she was trying to reach me to tell me that my son had tripped and fallen on a toy. The toy he fell on injured right under his eye. As I listened to her I felt like someone stung me with a taser. I was numb all over.
I felt so awful that my son was injured and crying while I was chatting and laughing with my blog friends. To make matters worse the event was child friendly and I could have brought him. The other moms brought their kids and the feeling of guilt and shame started to engulf me.
As I rushed over to the sitter thoughts filled me head. These are the reasons I need to stay at home with my son my heart said. This wouldn't have happened if I would have stayed home or taken him with me. My son is probably now blinded due to this injury. I'm a terrible mother!
When I arrived the sitter explained everything to me and assured me that Daniel is otherwise alright. As I looked at the gash under his eye my feelings of guilt doubled up. I started nursing him for comfort...mine as well as his...as I went back over the story with the sitter checking each fact to be sure it was an accident.
On the way home I tried to think straight but all I wanted to do is get my son home where I can keep him safe behind closed doors. I held him close all night as I tried to decided what to do about the work issue.
The next day I sent him off to daycare, took myself to work and once in called my son's doctor office. I explained what happened and asked do I need to go to the emergency room. I worried that internal damage might have been done even thought I saw no bleeding or swelling. The nurse felt if I was that worried to come in to their urgent care section in the evening.
So after work I rushed over to the urgent care center to sit and wait, and wait and wait. While I was doing all this waiting my son decided to "explore" the center. As I watched he started to flirt with the women sitting in the center. Giving smiles and cute looks. Then his exploring led to a game of catch with the security guard. At a certain point my mind said to my heart...lets go home, we'll make an appt and have his doctor look at him. Don't sit here late at night just for them to tell you what you can see. So far he's ok and recovering from the injury.
While my son seems to be recovering from his injury I'm still hurt over it. Each day I try to think of ways I can stay home with him and still provide financially for us. I like my job but home with my son is where I want to be. I know I can't prevent the boo boo's from happening but I want to be there when they do.