The "He Looks Just Like Me" Moments

Today I made the mad dash after work to reach the pediatrician's office to check and see if Daniel had an ear infection. Turns out he doesn't. Huh so much for listening to the babysitter. Since he was fine and the sun had come out after a rainy morning start, I decided we'd spend some time by one of the local playgrounds.

On our way to the playground I notice a fuzzy hair little boy on his bike across the street. He has the look of my son so I look for his mother. Turns out she's one of the seemly many Japanese moms in Harlem with a blasian child.

Since their about to cross over to our side of the street, I wait for them at the corner. I keep running into this mom here and there in the neighborhood. We always promise to get together for a play-date but never seem to. As we chat and try to catch up from the last time we met, her son goes over to my son and starts looking at him.

At this point Daniel is playing a game on my ipod and doesn't notice anything else. But the little boy is walking around Daniel trying to get a better look. Eventually he just pushes my son's head up so he can see his face. As his moms scolds him not to push on my son's head he excitedly says "He looks just like me!"

For a moment I stood their stunned because I got it. I totally got what seeing another little boy who looks like him meant. This little boy found someone to identify with.

What's funny is this was the first time I met the little boy. I usually run into the mom with her teenage daughter. While I'm not sure if this little boy figured out Daniel was also Asian and Black, it was clear he knew Daniel was just like him in some way.

We hung out with this other blasian family for a bit. The kids ate ices, fought over a bike and ran around chasing each other and the other kids in the play ground. As I watched them play I hoped this wouldn't be the last time my son hear someone say those words about him.

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A Blasian Families Day Out with Thomas the Train

Today we headed to New Jersey to meet up with Ketty, John and their kids so we all can go to "Day Out with Thomas: Leader of the Track Tour 2011". Since all our kids are fans of Thomas and Friends we thought this would be a great "family" outing.

We plan to enjoy the activities, ride Thomas and then have lunch in the area while the kids ran around and tired themselves out. Sounds like a good plan right? To bad the kids didn't get the memo about their parents great plan.

Since Daniel and I arrived bright and early in New Jersey, we had some extra time till heading to the train station. That of course meant playtime for the kids. As I sat there and watched them I was amazed by their active imaginations. At one point the idea of being aliens came up and next thing I see is they're all wearing "alien" hats! I tried not to laugh when one of them tried to scare me with his "alien" face.

Soon after that we all packed into the Sudan and head to the railroad station. I will spare you the antics of the car ride with 4 kids. At some point the kids, including me, took a nap so I think the ride went well. LOL. We soon arrived at the trail road, found parking in a lot that had jacked up it's prices, grabbed the strollers and heading off to see Thomas

And right around here is where the story starts to take a turn that involves tantrums and frustrated parents. On the way to the railroad station we entered a large gift shop with tons of Thomas and Friends stuff. Clothes, bags, hat, trains, etc all geared towards Thomas and Friends fans.

Daniel was able to walk around and touch stuff and then leave without a tantrum. He knew I wasn't going to buy anything no matter how much he cried. Ketty and John's 2 boys had a meltdown when it was time to leave without buying anything. As they wrangle their kids, they decided to leave this section and get them something to eat as a distraction.

As we walked away from the gift shop area, I stopped at another area where bubbles were blowing and I could take a photo with Daniel. I thought a photo with the trains in the background was a great idea. Daniel didn't like my idea at all and started his own tantrum. While I was able to get the photo, you can tell from the look on his face he wasn't happy *sigh* From there Ketty and John took their kids to snack while I took Daniel to the other area of activities.

We stopped in a child size "maze" but Daniel wasn't sure about it. I think he worried he might not be able to get out. After that we went to the Imagination Station where Daniel got to play with all sorts of toys and trains, received a Thomas tattoo and sat to listen to a storytelling.

Then we wandered over to the petting zoo where he petted the pony and hung out with chickens. We also saw rabbits and goats but he didn't seem interested in them. LOL Soon it was time to ride the train so we reunited with Ketty, John and kids to board the train.

Before getting on the train, you could take a photo with Thomas or with Mister Topham Hatt. Of course Daniel started another tantrum. For some reason being that close to everything scared him. Of course I insisted he take the photo anyway cause we traveled all this way! Of course he doesn't look happy in the photo *double sigh*

After ALL of that we finally board the train and settle the kids down next to each other to enjoy the ride. The parents were just glad to moments of peace and quiet. During the ride the kids played musical chairs and at one point all of them ended up on Ketty's side. I joked she should just accept the role of a mom with four kids. LOL.

As the kids looked out the window a train conductor walked down the isle. He first took the train tickets and then, during his 2nd round, he gave out certificates that made the kids Junior Engineer's. Yah! After the ride we all packed back in the car and headed home with very tired kids. Heck the parents were tired also but it was nice to spend some time together as a "blasian" family.

I wonder if that was the first time Thomas the Train had a families of Blasian?! I'm pretty sure it wont be the last time.

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Yes my son is biracial, No explanation needed

When is it ever okay to ask someone you don't know something personal about their lives? Why can't people leave a sleeping tiger alone? I've been nice and quiet, for the most part, in the blog world but I should have know that wouldn't last. So I'm minding my business when I get a tweet asking me why I put on my twitter profile that my son is biracial? WTF

Really this is an old question. Within these past 2 years I've been asked different versions of the same question. Why do you say your son is biracial? Why are you pointing out his race mix? etc etc etc. People are constantly asking me to explain myself and my son's heritage.

But why are people asking me this? What business is it of their's how I chose to identify myself or my son. It's getting to the point now that I'm tempted to tell people straight up...It's none of your damn business. What you asking me for? Were you there that night 3 years ago when I conceived him? No? Then back up off me and let me live!

Really, really, what is it with people NEEDING to ask?! As if that's not bad enough then people get upset that I'm not answering them. Like I own them a damn explanation why I say my son is biracial, Get the fck out my face with that BS. My son is biracial. My son is black and asian. My son is blasian. And until he personally decides to self identify and claim his birthright as a biracial person to say different, then I'll keep saying he's all of these races and more.

It just burns me that people keep trying to make the fact that he's biracial a issue of some sort. What is the issue? Am I suppose to be ashamed or something? Fck that. I'm proud to be a mom of a biracial child and refuse to let anyone try and make me feel different.

Playground Frustration and Surprises

Today, as we normally do we headed to the park early to enjoy a little playtime session before starting the day. I decided to walk a different way and explore a little before going to the usual playground. On the way I discovered a new playground with all sorts of cool play areas. Of course my son was more then willing to check it out.

We spent about half an hour running all around the playground testing out the ramps, slide, steps and anything else that caught my son's eye. As we're playing a fun game of "tag" I notice a lady and her dog walking towards us. She starts the usual comments to Daniel...hello handsome, etc.

As I stand there wondering why she interrupted our game of tag, the conversation starts

Lady: "Where are his parents from"?
Me: Huh? I'm his mother.
Lady: *stuttering* Oh, Well, It's hard to know sometimes. I mean, where is his father from?
Me: *giving her a look, while I take my son hand* Yeah, Well have a good day.

I'm sure she said something as we left but at that point I was too pissed to pay attention. Can't I have today to just enjoy being with my son? It's Easter Sunday, shouldn't she be in church, with family or something?

But what really annoyed me is that people need to ask about his father race so they can KNOW...like it's not obvious my son is mixed with some type of Asian?! I have to TELL them? WTF?

As we walked back to our area playground, where everyone knows us, I see a man and his two sons walking a bit up the block. But wait...one of his son looks just like my son when he was about 1 year. Then I get a look at the other son. OMG, it's a blasian family.

Now we all know I ain't the shy type. So as I walk over to him, I beam a big smile and say hello. I quickly explain that we're both parents of half Asian child and we should be friends. LOL.

After getting over his shock of some strange black women stopping him randomly, the dad starts telling me about his family. His wife is Japanese and he's from South Africa. The boys are 3yrs and 1.5yrs.

We stand there trading stories while taking photos of each other and the kids. For that moment we were our own little playgroup. I gave him my contact info and begged him to tell his wife to call me for a playdate.

What are the odds of running into another blasian family in Harlem? Apparently pretty good odds!

Claiming an Identity on the 2010 Census

We've finally received our 2010 census form to fill out. I've been waiting for it for a while now. I started worrying that it wasn't going to come. I hoped I wouldn't need to take drastic measures and hunt someone down and insist that they count me and my little blasian. LOL. As most people know this years census is key for the mixed race community. But for me the census this year holds a special meaning since this is the first time I'm filling it out as a mom.

We received the short form so not much info was required. Still I was excited to see the new options in the race category. For myself I stuck with the basic Afro-American. No need to confuse people by claiming West Indian. Though I was tempted since they had a section for "other" race. LOL

For my son my I happily check off Black AND Korean! I bettcha whoever or whatever recording my info will have some fun with that! How wonderful is it that children like my son can now check off all the races that apply to them. Heck, if one of their races isn't there they can fill it in! Wonder if anyone claimed a new race? It could be argued that someone who is biracial could be a new and separate race...but that's radical thinking...still it's something to wonder.

As I happily scribbled our info onto the census form, my son decided to "inspect" what seems for him to be just another piece of paper. As I sat there, he peeked over the top of the page at me. I smiled at the site of him. His head covered in a curly Afro that remains in a tussled state. I look into his Asian eyes that are filled with a question of...what is mommy doing? I reached for him and showing him the form, I explained that he's no longer just an "other". This form now and in the years to come will give him the choice to define who he is.

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Moms of Blasians Spotlighted on Today Moms

I'm getting the word out folks! I recently spoke with the very nice ladies at Today Moms about highlighting the community of Moms of Biracial children and more specific Mothers of Blasian children. They asked me to write a little something and *BAM*, now you can check out my post on their website site title : Overcoming the Challenges of Raising Biracial Kids

I highlight how it feels to be be asked..."is that your baby" and my hope that as awareness for mixed-race families spreads, the challenges facing mothers of biracial children will become less a struggle and more a celebration of the differences that make us all special and unique. Enjoy!

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Come Join the Biracial Family Twitter Party

Join Us for Our Biracial Family Twitter Party

Place: Online via Twitter

Date: Friday, March 26, 2010

Time: 9p-10p EST

Hosts: @euphorialuv , @Quiskaeya and @Jamericanspice

Topic: Teaching Biracial Children About their Identity. We hope all multiracial families (Black, Asian, Latin, White, Other) will join us as we discuss political, social and parenting issues related to being a biracial or parenting a biracial.

Purpose: To provide parents & biracials an opportunity to talk about biracial identity to help build a stronger multiracial/multicultural community. Some questions open for discussion are:

1. As a parent of a biracial how do you help your child self-identify? Ex: books, events, playgroups etc
2. If your child chose one identity over another would it offend you?
3. Are your children equally accepted by both sides of the family?
4. Do you feel the one drop rule is still widely thought and accepted with regards to biracials?
5. Do you consider how society will identify your child? Does this effect how you teach your biracial child to self-identity?
   

RSVP: http://twtvite.com/6a0u27

Even if you do not have a twitter account you can still join the conversation. The discussion will stream through tweetchat (http://tweetchat.com). You can set up an account with them and jump right into the action.

To participate be sure to follow @euphorialuv , @Quiskaeya and @Jamericanspice. Also be sure to tweet with the hashtag #BiracialFamily between 9:00 and 10:00 p.m. EDT.

Please feel free to spread the word to other multiracial/multicultural groups. Hope that you will join in for a time of learning and sharing.

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Blasian Family in Sesame Street Elmo Loves You DVD

So to celebrate their 40th anniversary I rented Sesame Street: Elmo Loves You! DVD from my local library. As you know Daniel is a fan of Elmo and I love Daniel so it's a perfect pick. LOL. So we're sitting and watching when a segment comes out that floors me.

It starts with a woman and child sleeping. Then the child wakes up and starts to draw pictures on the fogged up window. She then wakes up the woman who also draws on the window. The scene ends with a drawing of women and child holding hands drawn on the window while they cuddle. Just regular Sesame Street family stuff right? Except this family is a Asian women with a black daughter!

I couldn't believe my eyes!!! I rewind and watched that segment a bunch of time checking for clues about them as a family. Now I might be jumping the gun here but I didn't see anything that implied the woman was a babysitter or something along those lines.

If anything the tenderness she shows the little girl only supports my idea that their family. Not only are they interracial family, but it could be implied it's a single parent family. I know, I know, I'm reaching there but it's not a bad thing to see a family that reflects mine. I so love Sesame Street =)

Biracial Kids Destined for Doom?

There’s a conversation going on in one of my groups about how biracial children will have a life of hardship…just because their biracial…or more specific because they’re half black. Mind you this is a group for African American parents who want to adopt Asian children.

The debate started after someone posted the link to an Times article about the blasian girl who was a contestant on an American Idol–esque TV show, Go! Oriental Angel. To directly quote two separate comments that was made after reading the article…

Hopefully in her day to day life, she's okay, but in society in general she's got a lot of strikes against her. She's half-black and born of a single mother. - person 1

You have to give her mother credit for having the courage to raise her daughter knowing what they will all have to deal with. I'm sure there are others who would have chosen differently - person 2

If you know me you know I am livid right now. LIVID. Normally the green She-Hulk in me would have come out and given them a serious piece of my mind but so far I have not made any comments to anything they wrote.

Why? These women won’t “get” anything I have to say. While I adore them from sharing info with me back and forth thru the years…when it comes to this I think they need to stay on their side of the parenting fence. They are adopter's of monoracial children NOT parents of biracial children adopted or natural. How can they comment about the quality of life my son and children like him will have?! Why does being a half black child to a single mom means you have auto strikes against you?!

Do you see me ranting about how their adoptive children will have issues because they’re monracial Asian and with African American families? There could be something said about some serious identity issues but I would never say that. How the heck would I know?!

I just don’t understand the belief that anything outside the norm of mono-racial is destined for a life of doom and hardship. Where does this way of thinking come from?! More important what does it say that the President of the United States is a biracial child from a single mother? His life story certainly didn’t end up tragic so come on people!

The 'He Looks Just Like His Dad' Comment

So I was twittering while trying to clean out my inbox...a futile cause it seems sometimes...when I saw a tweet from @AroundHarlem about this video How To Tell People They Sound Racist It's ironic that I saw this cause I've been dealing with this issue ALOT recently. Now that the weather is warmer I've been taking Daniel outside more. This of course bring us back into the public eye and all that come with it. Add to this my interesting need to connect with other mothers via social events. Both normal activities any mother does right? Yet being a black mother of a bi-racial child seems to add some flavor to what should be normal mundane things.

I've been noticing a common feel between what people say to me in person and what people say to me online. Even some of the comments left here on BBN have the same feel / tone/ wording. There's been some odd things said about Daniel's appearance compared to mine. For the most part I'm prepared for it and come to expect it. BUT the "he looks just like his father" comments are the ones that make me grind me teeth in frustration and annoyance. It's bad enough coming from strange people I meet while we're out and about. It's super annoying coming from other mothers I'm trying to bond with. Even worse when another black women in an Asian Black relationship makes this comment. Side note - An Asian women in an asian black relationship saying it is also bad but on a different level because their racial history with the "lighter skin" issue is comes from a different place. Argue with me about that later. Ok? So, what's my issue? First none of these people has seen Daniel's father! How do they know he looks "just like his dad"? It's the light skintone and curly hair that they get caught up in. If they really LOOKED at my son they'd see he looks just like me. Or better yet...a fair mixture of BOTH of his parents. Add to that if they ever asked me they'd know I have mixed race in my background so not all that "light skin tone and curly hair" comes from his dad. Ugh Then, for someone to say that my child, MY CHILD does not look like me...moreso another mother?! It's a rude and hurtful thing to say to another mother! What mother wants to hear her child doesn't look like her? And that this racial mixture is what makes my son adorable? NOT this mother. I don't want to hear that! Now I've tried correcting some people by pointing out..."but you don't even know what his bad looks like, so how can you say this?" Or by asking, "why do you say that?" But some people are to skin struck to get the clue and only further shove their foots in their mouths. I know for the most part people are not thinking about what they're saying and how it coming across. I secretly think people feel it's a compliment and I should be happy my son is so asian looking. I'm not kidding. I've seen many women online say they hope their child comes out looking more asian then whatever race they are. *rolling my eye* I was at a loss on how to deal with this issue. I don't want to become anti-social or a racial militant mother. I want to help people see what they're saying isn't right without brow beating them with the "you need to be more racially aware and open" points. But seeing the video lets me know...yes I can and should hold them racially responsible, but keep it about the issue and don't let the convo get twisted into a personal attack. Good point. Lets see how I do going forward.

Research on Adults of African American and Korean Descent

Finally dammit! Pass it along, pass it along

- Nikki

ANNOUNCEMENT OF RESEARCH STUDY ON THE INNER WORLDS OF ADULTS WITH AFRICAN AMERICAN AND KOREAN HERITAGES

This is an invitation to participate in a research study designed to explore the inner worlds of adults with African American and Korean heritages. My name is Liz Bradshaw and I am an African American and Korean doctoral student in Counseling Psychology at Western Michigan University and this research is part of my dissertation.

I am seeking potential participants at least 18 years of age with multiple heritages who have one parent who identifies as African American and another who identifies as Korean. Participation will involve being interviewed about your experiences as an individual of African American and Korean descent.

By conducting this study, I hope to give voice to the stories of people of African American and Korean descent, stories that have often been silenced or neglected in the past. If you are interested in participating in this study and would like to learn more, please contact me by email (elizabeth.bradshaw@ wmich.edu) to receive additional information. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

Liz Bradshaw

DNA and Race - Black or Asian?

There's alot of comments going back and forth in one of the mixed race groups I'm part of online. At first whenever convos start on whether affirmative action is a good or bad thing I could only think of myself. I mean hell yeah it's a good thing if it gives me an extra boost in areas where being "black" meant being passed over or limited. Now after having my son my views on affirmative action has expanded in an unexpected way.

DNA and racial identification. http://www.nytimes.com/2006/04/12/us/12genes.html? _r=1 The idea that people are using DNA results to qualify for affirmative action, college admissions and scholarships and membership in wealthy casino tribes.

A few months ago one of my sisters bf, Kevin had some very interesting things to say about Daniel and my insistence that he can claim being black. Seems Kevin thinks if Daniel doesn't look black then no one will think he is. 

He felt that Daniel will never be allowed into... - The projects...unless he's delivering food - Basketball court…unless he’s with black friends. - Howard University...unless he can prove his blackness by taking me along

Now, I tend to take uneducated comments like this in stride. No sense trying to explain something’s to some people. But it did make me wonder about colleges and such. I mean of course I want Daniel to go to college but it's not cheap so I can use all the help I can get right? But what happens after filling out the applications, getting all the required paperwork and Daniel has to go in for the face to face interview? Will they say he's a faker to the claim of "black-hood"? Can he claim protection under the umbrella of affirmative action? What happens when having 50% of black blood doesn't show? Will Daniel have to walk around with DNA evidence to not only prove that he's black but he's also entitled to all the rights that come with it...if he chooses to claim them that is. He might just claim to be Asian and get into college that way. Shyt, No problems there right? Hmm, I only have questions with no answers...but maybe Daniel and I will have to make our own answers.

Raising a Baby Black vs Asian

Today Daniel and I went to NJ to visit with Ketty, John and the family. After running around with the kids, having a family meal and bugging John a bit we settled to sleep happily along with another blasian family.

In the morning Ketty and I took the path train into the city. During the drive we started talking about race issues. As usual we came across a point we disagreed on. I want to raise Daniel with a strong black sense while she feels I should raise him mixed. My argument? Most people don't see Daniel as "black". Even Ketty and John said he looks totally asian...that he has nothing for me.

Since people will treat and react to him as he's NOT black or even mixed, bi-racial, etc,, I feel I have to take a strong stand to say he IS black and it's ok. Ketty feels I don't have to do anything, that seeing me everyday will show and teach him about blackness.

I think she's wrong...what Daniel will see is that I'm his mother and by extension that I am a black women. He will not know he IS a black man and does not have to be ashamed of it.

Back in the city while waiting at BK for breakfast this black women came up to me and of course ask..."Is that your baby? Boy or girl?" These questions have become standard so I can answer on autopilot...meaning not paying attention.

Besides Daniel was being cute and I wanted to play with him. Still this woman wasn't satisfied. She then asked "did you have him or adopted him?" She got my attention quickly and not in a good way...I answered very quick with "I HAD him!!!"

I guess my answer must have had some attitude with it cause she went on the defensive saying..."some people adopt them ya know." I wanted to point out how much he looks like me but like most people she can't see past the skin tone.

I just left with a "I had him naturally and he's mine" comment and walked away with my giggly baby. That's the first time I heard that but if this strange women felt the need to ask then I'm figuring it won't be the last time.