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Wednesday, April 13, 2011

The Pros & Cons of Dating an Older Asian Man

I've always prefer an older man. There's something about a man who's already lived life and knows what he wants. While it's usually the younger guys that try to attract my attention I have yet to find a young guy who inspires me to be a cougar. I tend to hold out for someone closer to my age if not older. Recently I once again stepped back into the dating world and connected with Sam,


I met Sam when he replied to one of my personal ads. Even though we exchanged a few emails it took about 4 months before we were finally able to make plans to meet. I confess Sam had a hard time because I went MIA for a bit. But for some weird reason Sam kept emailing asking me to call and when I did, then he kept calling asking me to meet or at least keep in touch till I was ready to meet.

Over the 4 months I discovered that Sam and I had lots in common. Most surprisingly we both had a blasian child. While I had a son, he had a daughter. He also had 2 Chinese American children from previous marriage. Hmm.

Despite all the kids Sam still wanted more children and we spend some time discussing the idea of raising a family. And when I say discussing it I mean seriously. We discussed moving out of state, how he could put in for a job transfer and how we can deal with my commitment issues. LOL,

God knows Sam was patient and forgiving when I felt he was either annoying or crowding me and should go away. He always wanted to work things out or tried to understand what was upsetting me. Which was interesting since I didn't always know why I was irritated by his attempts to build a connection with me.

These are pro of dating an older man who knows what he wants....but there was some cons also.

One issue that came up between us was the Chinese versus Korean issue. Of course this meant nothing to me. But for Sam the fact that my son was half Korean was an issue. He was concerned that he wouldn't have anything in common with my son.

Sam also had some issues with the step father idea. He didn't know if he wanted people thinking he was father to my son if all 3 of us went out. I of course thought he was crazy and explained if he had problems with my son then he need to move on to the next female. While we worked past these issues they still left a bad taste in my mouth and mind.

The next issue was more children. While I admit to the idea of wanting more child I'm not exactly ready to run out and get pregnant with the first willing man. Sam was of the mind that sooner better then later would be best for our chances of having children. Umm. No,

While he did have a point, I have not recovered from the bitter lesson my son's father taught me. Nothing is guaranteed no matter what a person promises. I need more then a promise to "be there" before I bring another child into this world.

And that was the straw that broke this camels back. While Sam could promise to do the deed and do his best to "be there" that was about all his could promise. He already had 3 mouths to feed and his parents to care for so he was already stretched thin emotional and financial. For my part I felt my children, the one I have and the one I'm contemplating, deserves more. Plus I wasn't comfortable that he had a license to carry a gun (work related). So Sam and I parted ways.

In the end I'm glad I went thru this experience with Sam. I learned alot about what I think I want and what I actually need. Sam and I didnt end up happily every after but it's ok. I still prefer old men, asian or otherwise and will try again....someday...eventually

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at: May 7, 2011 at 1:24 AM said...

Hum...I thought your entry would have gone a little different. It's strange how some people feel the need to express to you up front what they will and will not accept from you and THEN expect for you to be okay with it. The Korean vs Chinese thing is ridiculous. I would have grabbed my purse and slapped him. I personally feel that anyone that is worth being in a relationship with me, HAS to love me AND my son regardless of my child's heritage. Like you, I too realize that I may not end up married to a Korean. Would this be nice yes, but are we seeking only Korean men to date? I'm not sure about you, but I'm open to a kind respectable, mentally and financially stable man; even if he is white, black, asian or martian. I hope you don't meet anymore Sam's. There is a wonderful man out there that will love you and Daniel and won't have an issue with Daniel's genetic make-up.

Nicole says:
at: October 5, 2012 at 4:46 PM said...

You're making the right choices for you and your son. Dating as a single mom is quite tricky. You have to vet like crazy!