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Sunday, October 24, 2010

Am I Ready to Date Normal After 3 Years?

For the past 3 years or so I've been having a back and forth about dating with this guy. We started the process but a uncomfortable phone call killed any hopes of meeting in real life. He said I was old since I was over 25. Urgh! But once in a while now we trade 1 or 2 emails before continuing with our lives. Things just didn't click for either of us. Besides I never forgive him for the old comment.
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Fast forward and a chance spam email bring us back to step one. This time he feels we should give it a real shot. His argument? We should at least meet in real life and see. After all we didn't give it a chance.

After seeking advice from my community, who I really shouldn't ask for dating advice regarding asian men, cause they're bias!, I decide why not, nothing to lose. So we plan for a lunch date.

Well, that lunch date changed into a dinner date. I wasn't happy when he mentioned meeting me in the evening. I'd have my son with me and meeting like that was NOT the plan. But I figure it would only be for a few minutes and then we can move on with our lives.

You'd think I'd learn by now that nothing is ever as simple as I think. We meet and walk around a bit and then agree to have dinner. He headed over to Harlem BBQ which is nice and empty with high chairs. The date itself is fine. He's nice and engaging. He not weird around my son. It's like we've been hanging out for years. No issues least not for him.

But there's some issues popping up for me. First issue is his Asianess. He's an adopted Korean like my son's father. But unlike my son's father it's not an issue for him. He's made peace with it. But the similarity AND the difference to my son's father is bugging me.

Second issue is his interest in me. It's not creepy or anything. It's just normal attraction. He tells me I'm attractive, he's enjoying my company, etc, etc. But after being shut down for 2 years it's not so easy for me to hear and process that type of interest. And that whole conversation about how he hates dating and would rather just meet someone and be serious....I nearly fainted.

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Third issue is his interest in my son. Someone bonding with my son is a big issue and one I wanted to avoid for as long as possible. I dont want to hurt someone if things don't work out with us. It goes without saying that I don't want my son hurt either. So far my son's only concern is can he get more corn bread!

As we pose for the photo, the waitress says "But the baby isn't in the photo". I said it's fine and told her to take the photo. I thought to myself, "lady I did it that way on purpose, this guy isn't my baby daddy".

Which is something else. No matter where we went from the train ride, to walking down the street, to sitting in the one acted weird, no bad comments, no weird looks, nothing. Did I mention we are in Harlem sitting in a black restaurant?

If anything everyone gushed at my son and how cute he is. Everyone acted like it was normal for an asian guy to walk around with a black women and blasian child. In a way it is normal. But the question is will it become the norm for this asian guy and this black girl with her blasian baby.

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