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Sunday, April 4, 2010

Playground Frustration and Surprises

Today, as we normally do we headed to the park early to enjoy a little playtime session before starting the day. I decided to walk a different way and explore a little before going to the usual playground. On the way I discovered a new playground with all sorts of cool play areas. Of course my son was more then willing to check it out.

playing in the park
going on the slide

We spent about half an hour running all around the playground testing out the ramps, slide, steps and anything else that caught my son's eye. As we're playing a fun game of "tag" I notice a lady and her dog walking towards us. She starts the usual comments to Daniel...hello handsome, etc.

As I stand there wondering why she interrupted our game of tag, the conversation starts
Lady: "Where are his parents from"?
Me: Huh? I'm his mother.
Lady: *stuttering* Oh, Well, It's hard to know sometimes. I mean, where is his father from?
Me: *giving her a look, while I take my son hand* Yeah, Well have a good day.
I'm sure she said something as we left but at that point I was too pissed to pay attention. Can't I have today to just enjoy being with my son? It's Easter Sunday, shouldn't she be in church, with family or something?

But what really annoyed me is that people need to ask about his father race so they can it's not obvious my son is mixed with some type of Asian?! I have to TELL them? WTF?

As we walked back to our area playground, where everyone knows us, I see a man and his two sons walking a bit up the block. But of his son looks just like my son when he was about 1 year. Then I get a look at the other son. OMG, it's a blasian family.

black man with blasian sons

Now we all know I ain't the shy type. So as I walk over to him, I beam a big smile and say hello. I quickly explain that we're both parents of half Asian child and we should be friends. LOL.

After getting over his shock of some strange black women stopping him randomly, the dad starts telling me about his family. His wife is Japanese and he's from South Africa. The boys are 3yrs and 1.5yrs.

We stand there trading stories while taking photos of each other and the kids. For that moment we were our own little playgroup. I gave him my contact info and begged him to tell his wife to call me for a playdate.

What are the odds of running into another blasian family in Harlem? Apparently pretty good odds!


4 Baby Momma says:
at: April 7, 2010 at 1:21 PM said...

Wow that is great that you found another Blasian family after your not so nice encounter!

~Y says:
at: April 7, 2010 at 1:52 PM said...

How annoying to have to deal with that type of ignorance on a regular basis - and even more frustrating when Daniel begins to understand whats going on. :-(

Im glad you found another Blasian family to have as allies/support!

at: April 8, 2010 at 9:20 AM said...

I don't know...
I don't get it. You get more strange people comeing up to you than anyone I know. I look at your son and I don't see that he looks sooooooo different than you do. It's just hard to believe you get all these experiences. I have a friend who's married to a man from Ireland. She's black he's white. This child is way more fair and has straight hair and blue eyes. If you saw the mother and child together you can understand why people would question. But she doesn't get these situation every single week like you. You son has brown skin and very curly hair. What is there for people to question?????? So what his eyes aren't exactly like yous, but he has you in his look. You seem very obsessed with your son's look and that he's part asian. It's as if you want people to question you.
Doesn't add up.

Rana says:
at: April 8, 2010 at 9:33 AM said...

I'm glad you found another family in your area that you and your family can play with.

SeekingSanity says:
at: April 8, 2010 at 9:48 AM said...

I'm agree with anonymous. I've read you blog for a while. Even on twitter it just sound rediculous. Nikki you parade you son around online like he's a prized trophy. Do you get off from your son's look? Does it make you feel more important? I know some women who date interracially so they CAN HAVE BIRACIAL looking chil. I don't know is it a self esteem issue? Maybe people think youare the nanny because you look older. An older woman with a toddler might be the issue not because the black woman has an Asian child. And get over it he's NOT asian so praising him for being what he's no. HE mixed yes he HAS BLACK in him. don't faint, you will be okay.

Nikki @ Mommy Factor says:
at: April 8, 2010 at 9:58 AM said...

SeekingSanity & Anonymous, Ah, it's been a while since I've gotten comments like yours. Welcome back haters!

Your comments are amusing. Really if I wanted to make something up, I'd come up with some more creative then people asking me "Is that your baby".

As for your other comments some are to stupid to reply to...but as for having a complex...this is a good Q and I feel it's to write a blog about it so make sure to come back and see what new and wonderful things I'll write you enjoying doing. It's ok, I know it's your guilty pleasure.

Nikki @ Mommy Factor says:
at: April 8, 2010 at 10:17 AM said...

4 Baby Momma and Rana, Yes! It's always good to find another blasian family :)

Y, My frustration comes from people interrupting me to just to ask. Cant they see we're having playtime?! I have to plan on what to say when Daniel is old enough to understand.

honeysmoke says:
at: April 8, 2010 at 11:49 AM said...

I bet the questions will subside as your son starts calling you Mommy. I think that happened with me and my girls. No one asks whether they are mine. They clearly are.

What I think folks are missing is that other parents don't have to fend of question after question when they are just trying to have some fun with their child or children. The other thing is folks are *entitled* to know anything and so many seem to think because they have a question it should be answered. it's almost like i know you must get this question all the time. i am certainly not the first to ask, so tell me what is your son/daughter mixed with.
it's just rude and insensitive. pipe down, people. you don't have a right to know the racial background of every kid on the playground.

at: April 8, 2010 at 11:54 AM said...

I'm sorry that you went through this. It isn't fair. I saw your tweets on twitter too and I can relate. I have 2 biracial girls. Although, strangers from time to time ask me what my kids are mixed with it isn't very often. They tend come to me to tell me how beautiful, pretty my kids are. I have to agree that you get questioned about your son very frequently though. It's strange since I have biracials too that don't exactly look like me. But people don't usually ask me "where's the girls parents". They can see the interaction and bond between us.

Your son is beautiful and he does resemble you. He's gaining a gorgeous complexion too and I love his brown skin. I would think people could see the connection. People are curious about things that are out of the ordinary. Take it in stride and don't let it get to you. You don't want your son to grow up always thinking situations like this have to be handled in anger. You did the right thing to walk away and just leave it.


at: April 8, 2010 at 12:57 PM said...

People that don't have multiracial children don't understand, so maybe they should refrain from commenting...

I haven't yet experienced people asking me if my son is mine, but I know that other moms/dads of multiracial children do. Whether it's once, twice or 20 times, it happens.

Luna says:
at: April 8, 2010 at 1:18 PM said...

To the negative commenters: This sort of junk used to happen to me and mom *all* the time!

If it seems like Nikki is being obsessive or redundant, this is a real experience.

No, not everyone has it. No, not everyone will. However, these moment made my angry, senstive and very protective with good reason.

When I was with my dad, people would say I look just like him (I don't) and then ask my mother if I was adopted.

Its annoying. and some serious kind of bull. Parents don't owe explanations. I still meet people who march up to me and with no prelude, ask which of my parents is white!

Seriously, if you are not the one with a biracial kid, or you are not a biracial kid, just back the hell off!

at: April 8, 2010 at 2:09 PM said...

ROFLMAO!!!!!! So Nikki you can't handle people call you out?!?!? had to get you alter ego idiot LUNA to back you up??? LUNA shut the f* up. If Nikki aint grown enough to handle her own battle she shouldn't be posting shit out in open. Fact is as you can see more than just me agree she's one of a kind (a *special* kind) that ONLY her & her child get these ALL the effin time. Yeah she's special alright. Downright special and had to call her army on twitter to help her feel better!ROFLMAO put on your big girl panties Nikki. What a wimp!!

Nikki @ Mommy Factor says:
at: April 8, 2010 at 2:24 PM said...

Anonymous, while I allow anyone to comment b/c i dont have anything to hide or censor, I do ask that comments be respectfully and do not attack other.

I wont delete this comment but going forward comments like this will be deleted and your IP address blocked

SeekingSanity says:
at: April 8, 2010 at 3:09 PM said...

While I'll still agree you tend to have these experiences more often than most interracial families, I'll admit there are probably exceptions. Maybe you are that exception, I don't know. Not saying you are lying. This is my issue with the situation *not that it matters* is the way it presence interracial families. I happen to be a mom of a biracial, thankyouverymuch Luna. At that a blasian.

Nikki you have been speaking on behalf of the blasian community for a longe time. One of the reason I follow you. I guess it gets tiring always hearing about the *negative* side of being a parent of a blasian/biracial. The world already looks at our children like they will be confused, emotional ruined people when they grow up. It's would be nice for a change to see a site where all the positive and not the "WTF another stranger giving me grief about my blasian child".

Maybe I should start a site about of the positive aspects of raising a blasian child. LOL

at: April 8, 2010 at 3:14 PM said...

I get stoped everytime we go out. My son is mixed balck/white. We get: what is he, he looks so soft, and if they get near him they touch him and say how soft he is.
So I have no doubt in her stories. It's a shame how stupid some ppl r.

Nikki @ Mommy Factor says:
at: April 8, 2010 at 3:15 PM said...

SeekingSanity, First thank you for following me for as long as you have. I confess it does get tiring to deal with some things over and over again.

I agree that more positive stories about biracial/blasian children need to be written/talked about/ highlighted. PLEASE start your own blog and share your story. It's time other voice's and stories beside mine are heard! I've been saying this to other people for YEARS.

at: April 8, 2010 at 3:29 PM said...

I think SeekSanity said it best! I'm not at all saying you are lying. It probably does happen for you. Like Tungara14 I get stopped ALL the time because people think my girls are so pretty. While it's a compliment it does get tiring. I guess I'm lucky I don't get the rude and disrespectful questions. I can't imagine having to deal with that.

I would also like to see more positive stories of the interracial/biracial life. I'm not trying to tell you how to run your blog. But it sounds like you have been speaking on behalf of biracials for a while. Maybe you could showcase the positive.


at: April 8, 2010 at 8:40 PM said...

i sense a major case of jealousy..why hate on someone you don't even know? you are not nikki and your baby doesn't look like daniel so how the hell can all experiences be alike??? just cuz u have a blasian kid yourself doesn't mean all your experiences will be identical to Nikki's...
LEAVE NIKKI ALONE!!!!!!! Nikki, don't give a damn what the haters say...there are plenty of women who love reading abt u'r experiences as a mother of a biracial child. I fancy Black men and if someday i end up falling in love and marrying a black man, i'll always be grateful for having read your provide plenty of insights on what life is like being a mother to a child of mixed heritage. So thank you!! Be yourself & don't compromise or change your blog material cuz of the haters..their job is to keep hating..and your's is bigger than ignore them. So happy to hear u met a parent of blasian kids.

at: April 13, 2010 at 7:57 PM said...

Nikki, these negative comments must drive you bananas. I know i would go crazy but you stay very calm and sincere and for that I applaud you. I don't know what you're feeling because I do not have biracial kids but I just wanted to let you know that those people that don't understand you, don't have to. They don't matter, what matter is you are happy with your son and that your son knows that you live him. This is YOUR blog and you keep blogging what you want! If they don't like it, too damn bad. They cam easily go elsewhere.

at: April 18, 2010 at 1:36 PM said...

I have been following your blog for some time. I too am a mother of a Blasian child also Korean and Black. I don't understand why people are questioning your stories. We live in a predominantly Black neighborhood with absolutely no biracial/multiracial families. My son has so-called "100% Korean" except he has all of his father's so-called "Black features." Yet, random people still question his paternity whenever he takes him out! It has also happened to me, but on a lesser degree. I have noticed that it doesn't happen so much around my parents' neighborhood where it is more diverse with a lot of Blasian families. When people come into contact with something unfamiliar, their ignorance really comes shining through. Consequently, it really irks me when people equate the Blasian experience to the more common Black/White mixes. Anyways, I'm getting off topic. I just wanted to let you know that I love your stories because I can relate to them. Not only that, now I know how to respond to ignorance, "Have a nice day." Love it! Keep telling us your stories and to those hating trolls, kick rocks! They don't have nothing better to do then start arguments online and at a parenting blog at that. Finally to SeekingSanity: Not all Blasian experiences are exactly the same. Furthermore, positivity is good, but I also want to hear about the negativity, so that I can learn from it. Just my 2 cents.