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Friday, January 23, 2009

Understanding Unsolicited Advice

Today we visited my old office and co-workers. They were more excited to see Daniel then to see me. In true co-mothers and co-fathers style they played with Daniel while nagging me.

Daniel with YoungMi (korean), who felt Daniel shouldn't be carried in the back position because it's not good for him. He needs to be in the front so I can comfort and protect him. Plus point: She felt he has sexy lips. She didn't say "black" lips but I knew she meant that. LOL

Daniel with Thomas (korean), who asked me why I dress Daniel like a big boy...with shoes and all. Then he wanted to know if Daniel can walk and proceeded to try and see. Plus point: Offered the use of the Hanbok again for when Daniel turns 1 year.

Daniel with Sue (chinese), who felt Daniel might be cold and needed to rest instead of running around town with me. Plus point: Said Daniel looks more like me now and loves his bright shiny eyes...and of course his hair (which is still wavy ).

I spent most my time defending and explaining why this and why that. But I've learned to take all the co-paranting in stride with a smile. I use to wonder why people can't see that I'm a good mom and stop giving advice. I secretly worried that they saw some deficiency in me I couldn't see.

But I came to understand that really they just care and want to help. Plus no matter if I had a baby or not my Asian friends will always give input on something.  It's their culture...sorta like how west indians and most "black" cultures always want to feed people.


at: March 6, 2009 at 8:34 PM said...

Bless your heart! I know I go through enough insensitivity as the Caucasian adoptive mama of a Chinese daughter. Daniel is ADORABLE!! You just hang in there! You feel free o lament on here any time!

Yakini says:
at: August 1, 2009 at 7:49 PM said...

Girl, i just love your positive attitude about getting unsolicited advice! I strive to get to that same place of "calm" and acceptance, as it continues to burn me up when i get advice that i perceive as critical.

It bothers me the most when coming from my in-laws (i.e., "Oh just put a little cereal in his milk.... he'll sleep through the night!" Or, "Oh, why do you have him on a schedule already.... he's just a baby!") Grrrr!!!! I want to just tell folks to hush up and let me take care of MY child... but its usually coming from the elders, and I would never be disrespectful, you know?

I just try to relax, relate, and release (lol) and try to remember that it's usually coming from a good, caring place. *sigh*