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Sunday, December 27, 2009

Letting Go of Final Baby Moments

Today as I checked my calendar I noticed that my son has turned 18 months. Wow. Just 6 more months and he'll be 2yrs old and fully outside the "baby" stage. In truth he's already into the toddler stage but during this twilight time frame I can still claim he's my baby. But soon I wont be able to...

As I stood there looking at my scribble in the calendar I once again started the mourning tears. Gosh I thought I dealt with this when he turned 1 yr. But here I am again shedding tears for the loss of a section of my son's babyhood. It just seems like its all happening so fast...somehow he's picking up speed and moving further and further away from me. At this rate that dreaded day where he'll be old enough to branch out on his own will be here before I'm prepared. Lawd help this mother cope!

Why all the worry and sadness? Well, it's not like my family has prepared me for dealing with this. It's sad to say but my family has issues of codependency. Branching out on your own as an independent is sorta frowned upon. Heck, its downright discouraged. We haven't been taught the healthiness of becoming your own person. I had to leave home at 18, damn near run away, to discover who I am as a person...separate from my family and their expectations.

I don't want that to happen to my son. I want him to become his own little entity without hangups. With each developmental stage I want to be proud and supportive as he takes steps to find his place in the world. So I shed my tears and mourn my loss but I do not try to hold on...

2 comments:

Ruby says:
at: December 29, 2009 at 2:52 PM said...

I'm right there with you It's becoming so hard to see little man grow even seeing him jump on to his own bed is sad. I use to carry him over into the crib we would kiss goodnight but now he just hops on in to his toddler bed and when I go for a kiss he looks at me with that "mom not now my friends will see" look. Be strong mama!

marfmom says:
at: December 30, 2009 at 2:53 AM said...

1) GREAT picture!

2) I hear ya on being sad about the milestones. My son pushes me away now and it makes me want to cry for those days when he was tiny and wanted to snuggle all day!

3) I think your philosophy is very wise. Daniel's lucky to have you as his mommy!