How To Tell People They Sound Racist
It's ironic that I saw this cause I've been dealing with this issue ALOT recently. Now that the weather is warmer I've been taking Daniel outside more. This of course bring us back into the public eye and all that come with it. Add to this my interesting need to connect with other mothers via social events. Both normal activities any mother does right? Yet being a black mother of a bi-racial child seems to add some flavor to what should be normal mundane things.
I've been noticing a common feel between what people say to me in person and what people say to me online. Even some of the comments left here on BBN have the same feel / tone/ wording. There's been some odd things said about Daniel's appearance compared to mine. For the most part I'm prepared for it and come to expect it. BUT the "he looks just like his father" comments are the ones that make me grind me teeth in frustration and annoyance.
It's bad enough coming from strange people I meet while we're out and about. It's super annoying coming from other mothers I'm trying to bond with. Even worse when another black women in an Asian Black relationship makes this comment. Side note - An Asian women in an asian black relationship saying it is also bad but on a different level because their racial history with the "lighter skin" issue is comes from a different place. Argue with me about that later. Ok?
So, what's my issue? First none of these people has seen Daniel's father! How do they know he looks "just like his dad"? It's the light skintone and curly hair that they get caught up in. If they really LOOKED at my son they'd see he looks just like me. Or better yet...a fair mixture of BOTH of his parents. Add to that if they ever asked me they'd know I have mixed race in my background so not all that "light skin tone and curly hair" comes from his dad. Ugh
Then, for someone to say that my child, MY CHILD does not look like me...moreso another mother?! It's a rude and hurtful thing to say to another mother! What mother wants to hear her child doesn't look like her? And that this racial mixture is what makes my son adorable? NOT this mother. I don't want to hear that!
Now I've tried correcting some people by pointing out..."but you don't even know what his bad looks like, so how can you say this?" Or by asking, "why do you say that?" But some people are to skin struck to get the clue and only further shove their foots in their mouths.
I know for the most part people are not thinking about what they're saying and how it coming across. I secretly think people feel it's a compliment and I should be happy my son is so asian looking. I'm not kidding. I've seen many women online say they hope their child comes out looking more asian then whatever race they are. *rolling my eye*
I was at a loss on how to deal with this issue. I don't want to become anti-social or a racial militant mother. I want to help people see what they're saying isn't right without brow beating them with the "you need to be more racially aware and open" points. But seeing the video lets me know...yes I can and should hold them racially responsible but keep it about the issue and don't let the convo get twisted into a personal attack. Good point. Lets see how I do going forward.