Today Daniel and I went to NJ to visit with Ketty, John and the family. After running around with the kids, having a family meal and bugging John a bit we settled to sleep happily along with another blasian family.
In the morning Ketty and I took the path train into the city. During the drive we started talking about race issues. As usual we came across a point we disagreed on. I want to raise Daniel with a strong black sense while she feels I should raise him mixed. My argument? Most people don't see Daniel as "black". Even Ketty and John said he looks totally asian...that he has nothing for me.
Since people will treat and react to him as he's NOT black or even mixed, bi-racial, etc,, I feel I have to take a strong stand to say he IS black and it's ok. Ketty feels I don't have to do anything, that seeing me everyday will show and teach him about blackness.
I think she's wrong...what Daniel will see is that I'm his mother and by extension that I am a black women. He will not know he IS a black man and does not have to be ashamed of it.
Back in the city while waiting at BK for breakfast this black women came up to me and of course ask..."Is that your baby? Boy or girl?" These questions have become standard so I can answer on autopilot...meaning not paying attention.
Besides Daniel was being cute and I wanted to play with him. Still this woman wasn't satisfied. She then asked "did you have him or adopted him?" She got my attention quickly and not in a good way...I answered very quick with "I HAD him!!!"
I guess my answer must have had some attitude with it cause she went on the defensive saying..."some people adopt them ya know." I wanted to point out how much he looks like me but like most people she can't see past the skin tone.
I just left with a "I had him naturally and he's mine" comment and walked away with my giggly baby. That's the first time I heard that but if this strange women felt the need to ask then I'm figuring it won't be the last time.
About
Hello and Welcome. My name is Nikki and I'm mommy to Daniel, who's Black West Indian and South Korean aka Blasian.
I'm also Owner of the Mixed Family Life/Asian Black Community/Euphoria Luv blog, online support group and profiles.
Welcome to the Mixed Family Life blog. This blog features information and resources for the Asian and Black (Blasian) and Mixed Race Community.
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6 comments:
at: November 20, 2008 at 9:36 PM said...
When Ari was born he looked so much like Michael that when I was coming to the hospital to see him nurses would ask me for my ID and made sure to check my "hospital bracelet". :)
when he was around 6-8 months he looked just like me! and now he looks like himself I guess, but many confuse him with a girl for some unknown reasons.
Daniel may change in looks a lot, especially in his first year. and babies always identify with their mothers in first forming years of their life so I don't think he would think that he is an asian with black mother... :) I am more for raising kids mixed and let them figure out this race thing once they are old enough to understand, but that's just my opinion...
PS: SO GLAD to see you blogging again!!! :)
at: December 27, 2008 at 7:31 AM said...
My husband goes through this ALL the time! In one particular instance he was grocery shopping with Jared (the 3 year old) and a woman kept looking at him, making "you have a cute kid" faces at them. Finally, they crossed paths and the woman gushed about how adorable he was. My husband thanked her and she asked, "Is the mother white?" Dalvin replied, "Well, his mother is Korean and White." The woman then asked, "Oh and you decided to adopt him?"
Sadly, this situation has repeated itself-- my poor husband's paternity is questioned all the time! (Wait-- I guess I should be insulted too! What does that say about me?)
I don't mind curiosity, I grew up hearing the "What are you?" question-- but people really should have a bit more tact and sensitivity-- not to mention simple common sense!
at: January 19, 2009 at 4:52 PM said...
Hey! I'm blasian and people used to ask my mom all the time if she was my baby-sitter.
at: May 8, 2009 at 10:18 AM said...
I love your new blog! Sorry I couldn't update your info as quickly enough but I'm following you with the new blog url. Thanks for sending me the message, :)
-Vida_de_Chiqa (Latina Legal)
at: June 21, 2011 at 5:04 PM said...
Yipe, I can see future 'discusions' like this in my future. Thankfully, hubby and I have same views on giving our baby the best of both. Its just the other family members to the point and rational behind it.
at: July 2, 2011 at 6:49 PM said...
This has got to be one of the most frustrating topics out there. Mostly because your child is the most precious person in your life and people comment on them as if they were a trinket or pet. I've had so many family members and acquaintances ask me about my "Mexican" daughter, always making sure to point out that she's Mexican, as if I didn't already know. On top of that though, even my own family fails to see that she is also white, or if they do, they comment that "mixed babies are so cute". It's just frustrating that my daughter is seen as something other than just Lily. I'm just so tired of all the labels that have been flying at her left and right since birth. Not to mention the criticism about Spanish. My family actually thought that my raising her bilingual would mean that she wouldn't understand English...huh!? People are ignorant and sometimes you just have to be blunt when they'll completely oblivious to how rude or insensitive they're being.
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