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Saturday, April 10, 2010

Bitter Sweet Sunset - Dear Daniel Saturday

It's Saturday! Time for a Dear Daniel letter

Dear Daniel

I had such a great time exploring Riverbank State park with you today. It's always wonderful to see your excitement when we go somewhere new. As I watched you discover all the things to do in the park, I thought about your dad and how today could have been different.

I wondered if I cheated you somehow by not staying with your dad. My mind firmly reminds me that I did the best thing for you long term. Yet at moments like these my heart breaks when I think how much your dad is missing out...and maybe in some ways you are missing out also. Your dad and I loved sitting in the park and watching the sun set the same way we did today.

As we sit watching the sunset, I know your dad would have enjoyed spending this day with us....with you. He would have laughed, cheered and been proud at the things you did today. He would have sat with you on the grass and told you stories of his childhood. At that point I would have bopped him because his childhood stores are filled with mischief. I don't want him giving you any ideas!

Despite the way things are now between your dad and I, one day I hope you'll understand that he did want and love you. He was excited about the idea of you from the early moments we talked about starting a family. We'd day dream about life with you all the time. Matter of fact, when I said we'd have a girl, he was the one who always said you'd be a boy. No matter what I said, he knew you'd be you :)

But still as we leave the park, only one hand holds your little one when it should have been two. Maybe one day this will change. Maybe one day your dad and I will find a way to reconnect him, you and me. Maybe. Maybe not. Either way I promise you'll always have my hand holding onto yours.

Love you always,
Your Umma

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