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Friday, January 29, 2010

Learning How to Parent Alone

Parenting alone is a scary thing. I'll be the first to admit it. Yes, I did choose to be a single parent but that doesn't make it any easier. Parenting is still hard work! Now that Daniel and I are "officially" on our own, after moving away from my family, I'm trying to learn to do things on my own as a parent.

In one it's a wonderful thing to be free to train and raise my son in my own way. No more bickering about what he's eating, wearing, or doing. The first and final say is mine! But in other ways it's a little stressful not to have a little backup when I need it. Now if I need something from the store I have to dress Daniel and take him. Doesn't matter if it's cold, rainy or late night. Also what little free time I use to have is all gone. From morning to night Daniel demands my attention. Now I am his sole distraction and playmate.

The one area I find this being a real problem is when I need to blog. Trying to develop a thought has become a challenge when I constantly have to stop and tend to him in some way. Writing one blog use to take me a few hours now it takes me a whole day. Since I'm already backup in some areas blog-wise you can see how frustrating this is becoming. Some paying blog projects have deadlines and if I cant meet the deadlines then there's no payment. That's not acceptable.

As a single parent one of the scariest things is the fear I cant provide for my son. From food to medical I need to be able to cover these basics. If I cant then panic will set in.

Matter of fact Linda, a blog friend, who's a single mom through adoption, recently wrote in her "Therapy Thursday - Are my Hot Thoughts Killing Me" about having such a panic attack when she couldn't find a medical bill to pay. In that blog Linda outline some ways to focus and reduce the panicking feeling when going through an anxiety attack.

I found that info so helpful. As a single mom I do need "tools" to help me figure things out. What I learned from my own family wont work for us since I want to parent differently. I want to learn how to parent so I can figure out what works best for MY family.

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Shynea @ Penny Pinching Diva says:
at: January 30, 2010 at 5:48 PM said...

This post has touched home with me because I was a single mom for SO long before I got into a relationship with my husband. My first husband was abusive and immature, and as soon as I left him I was in a much happier place. I loved the fact that I no longer had to argue with someone who was on drugs on how to parent "my" children. (I know that that may be TMI and kind of possessive, but he was NEVER a father figure when he was around.)

I was now faced with taking care of my children by myself, providing for them by myself and I no longer had any free time. But I was happy. I was content and in the long run all of the hard times still made me a much better parent because I was more patient. Stress can take a tole on any person. And if that person is a parent that trickles down to their children.

I loved this post. Thank you SO much for sharing.

Nicole says:
at: February 1, 2010 at 1:48 PM said...

Great post! This realy resonated with me, because I've been on both ends of the spectrum. With my son, I was married, did the stay-at-home mom thing, and I was pretty miserable. Plus I had a mother-in-law that I couldn't stand!

This time around with my daughter, I feel alot more relaxed believe it or not. This post got me to thiking about what a control freak I am. I like the fact that it's just me and Aneksi. Granted, it can be exhausting sometimes, but I feel like I'm in control of my life more.

NYC Single Mom says:
at: February 13, 2010 at 7:21 AM said...

Thanks for the shout out. Great post. You are right its not easy doing it on your own and especially at Daniel's age. You just are never alone. it does get easier and harder at the same time. Keep doing what you are doing.

But honestly, its okay to have yourself a pity party every so often. I know I do.

Paige Turner says:
at: May 8, 2011 at 10:32 PM said...

As a writer and a mother, I feel your pain about demanding projects and deadlines. The key is to stay focused, organized and carve out time for yourself somehow. Believe it or not, I LIKE part of my commute home, because it's the one part of the day when I can plug in my iPod and read a book. It's been more than a year since you've posted this, so I hope you are feeling more secure. Best of luck.