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Tuesday, April 7, 2009

The Breast Feeding Countdown

While breast-feeding today I struggled to get my son to stay on the breast longer then a few scattered minutes. He's always distracted by something he sees or hears which makes it struggle some days.  As he tried to see what's happening on the computer screen...don't know what he was looking for cause nothing was happening.... I asked him not to waste my milk cause I don't produce as much as I use to.  It's in short supply these days. Sayn that statement aloud gave me pause and then made me very sad cause it's very true.  

Ever since Daniel discover food he's more interested in eating then nursing during the day. I still try to keep the nursing bond going. I enjoy that special time for just him and I. I typically try for  the minimum of 10mintues hoping it will be enough to keep my milk going till he reaches the one year mark.  But it's getting less and less as he grows cause he nurses more for comfort then he does for feeding.

I've tried pumping to keep the supply up but ran into a struggle with him taking a bottle.  In the end all that pumping, storing, freezing and whatnot seemed like to much trouble.  So here I am counting the days down

I guess the thing that bothers me is my changing role in this.  From conception I've been the one whose provided nourishment directly from my body.  For 10 months my mind was trained to eat well cause I have to feed the baby.  Then once my son was born I may have changed how I fed him, but it was still directly from my body. Also the healthy eating mindset was still in place. I needed to watch what I eat and drank cause I feed the baby.

But now the baby is learning to feed himself.  I am no longer the provider of direct nourishment.  This makes me very sad and I'm struggling with my role change. I always want to be able to provide for my son. While I comfort myself with the fact I still feed him and will for a long time to plate is his taste testing ground...the food connection we share is now on a different level. I understand this is part of him growing up and becoming an independent individual.  I mean how many breast-feeding adult men do I know...not counting the perverts...still it's another sad mommy moment for me.


Dagmar says:
at: November 17, 2009 at 1:39 AM said...

Hi Nikki, I just found this post and can imagine how hard it must be that your son is self-weaning. My son is three and doesn't show signs to self-wean, although he can go a whole day without milk if he has to by now. But at night he thinks there is nothing better than breastfeeding. I know I am lucky that he is still so interested -- I will miss nursing him so much!

Nikki @ Blasian Baby says:
at: November 17, 2009 at 3:29 PM said...

Hello Dagmar! OMG, can't believe you found this post from SO long ago. I've made peace that my son has self weaned. It's a natural process ;)